


My Big Gay Path Wedding

by Nanaki_Lioness



Series: Pathverse [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A little SasuNaru, AU, Lots of alcohol, M/M, Perfection Complex, Stag Night, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanaki_Lioness/pseuds/Nanaki_Lioness
Summary: AU. Another step forward, another path taken, another notch on the endless journey. Itachi and Deidara prepare to take the next big step.





	1. To Have And To Hold

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older series of fics that I'm finally moving over to AO3.
> 
> Alternative Universe DeiItaDei- this means it is set in our world, not Konoha, and is about the homosexual pairing of Itachi and Deidara with the dominant role primarily being Deidara's, but occasionally Itachi's.
> 
> Set in the UK. That's where I live, and it's easier to craft a realistic world when it's one I know.
> 
> The titles form a traditional wedding vow. They don't link to the chapters, so don't panic when you see sickness, poor, death, etc!

Footsteps echoed around the church, the click-click of high heels and softer footfalls of finely polished shoes encompassing Itachi's thoughts as he tried hard _not_ to think about why he was standing at the altar. Kisame stood at his side, both of them dressed in smart suits and jackets, despite the heavy heat of summer weighing down on them.

"Here he comes!" He heard a voice say, causing him to glance over his shoulder as the doors of the church opened slowly and ominously. Deidara beamed at him from atop the giant unicorn he was riding, before said unicorn began to move of its own accord on its wheels down the aisle. Deidara threw handfuls of glitter and confetti across the gathered congregation, dressed in a white suit and matching top hat. As he turned to Itachi once more, Itachi realised somewhere deep in his subconscious that it was time to wake up and promptly did so.

For the third night that week Itachi dragged himself out of bed at four in the morning, heading to get coffee and trying not to think too hard about the fact he was to be married in the very near future. As much as he tried to tell himself Deidara would be restrained and would certainly _not_ be riding down the aisle on a unicorn with wheels, one glance around his living room told him it might be possible. The unicorns painted months beforehand were still gracing the walls, proving to him just how completely mental his choice of partner was.

Deidara thought that he had everything regarding the wedding under control. In actuality, Itachi had spent many an alone moment panicking about ridiculous things. Unlike most people who were to be married, worrying over their clothes or the wedding colours, Itachi was worrying about appearing perfect enough while in the spotlight.

Of course, when a _real_ problem presented itself, he had no idea how to handle it. Deidara wanted to be married in August. Itachi had done everything in his power to make that happen, but had faced a hurdle he had expected but disliked- finding a venue and someone to marry them. Eventually out of sheer desperation he had knocked on the door of a hotel that looked inviting and simply asked the lady at the front desk if they had a civil partnership license. Upon hearing 'actually, yes we do' Itachi had proceeded to thank her, take the hotel's paperwork, walk back outside, burst into tears born of frustration and relief and then walk straight to the doctor's office to make his need for anxiety meds very clear.

It wasn't a church like in Deidara's fantasies, but they both understood that wasn't an option. Regardless it was lovely- the staff were friendly and the prices were good, and it even meant they got a luxury room in the hotel itself as part of the package. There was just one problem for Itachi, and that was it wasn't enough. _Nothing_ was perfect enough.

And so, it led to many early morning starts like his current one, plagued by wedding nightmares and clutching coffee like a lifeline, trying to convince himself to just call the damn hotel, book it and tell Deidara he had a wedding date for him. He'd run into the same problem with the car, with the ceremony music arrangements, with the kimono he was going to wear, with- well, with everything. All the while Deidara simply let him get on with it, asking no questions and giving him the full control he had promised.

There was also the teeny tiny problem that he had been avoiding, which was that his parents still didn't know the plan. He had nimbly sidestepped Deidara's questions about it, but while Sasuke was sworn to secrecy he was also a terror. Itachi had been called the night before by his bemused father, saying that it would be lovely if they shared dinner together as a family. That included Deidara since he was also family, or _should_ be family, and wouldn't it be lovely and oh did he mention family? Itachi had got the hint that Sasuke had pretty much organised the whole debacle in an effort to force a confession from him, and had reluctantly agreed when his father refused to let up about the idea. Thus that left him with a dinner to organise on the coming weekend, though he was tempted to take the easy route a book a restaurant instead. Regardless it was another thing to stress about, and he had plenty of those already.

"Itachi?"

Itachi glanced up to see Deidara in the doorway, sleepy but smiling as he leant against the frame and yawned. Itachi gave him a tiny smile in return, knowing his melancholy had already been spotted and making no effort to hide it.

"Morning," he murmured in response as Deidara joined him at the table. Deidara nodded in response and frowned across at him, reaching out and clasping one of Itachi's hands gently.

"What's wrong?"

As much as Itachi wanted to brush it aside, he wouldn't. His fight with Deidara at Konan and Nagato's wedding was always in the forefront of his mind- he had said he wouldn't keep things from his partner anymore, and had kept his word. "I'm just worrying about everything and anything," he admitted.

"Getting cold feet about marrying me?" Deidara asked with a cheeky grin. "Or are you worried what your brother will do to you on the stag night?"

"Sasuke is under strict instruction to make sure he does not spike my drinks, does not hire any strippers of either gender, and is make sure that we get home with our clothes and dignity intact."

Deidara snorted at that, rolling his eyes. "Right. Maybe _you'll_ be alright, but we both know I'm going to end up tied to a lamppost naked, yeah."

Sensibly, they had both agreed to hold the stag night a couple of weeks before the wedding itself so they could recover from the inevitable hangovers in peace. Unsure of what the usual tradition for male partnership stag nights, they had simply decided to go out together- though Kisame and Sasuke had been collaborating something between them. They weren't willing to say what they had planned, but judging by the whispers and wicked grins they shared it wasn't going to be anything innocent.

"Deidara, I think I've found somewhere," Itachi said before he could lose his nerve. "It's a hotel. The paperwork's in the drawer in the kitchen."

Deidara's face lit up and he went to fetch it, pouring over it at the table studiously. "It looks good, yeah. What's the catch?"

"None that I can see. We'll get a hotel room, full use of the reception hall and a sit down meal included in the price. We will have to decorate it and organise our own music, but that's alright."

"So why haven't you booked it yet?"

Itachi faltered for a moment, laying one hand over Deidara's. "I'm having... Complex issues," he remarked quietly. "I've been driving myself crazy trying to find something perfect enough, and-"

Deidara silenced him with a kiss, shaking his head as they broke apart. "I think it's perfect, yeah. Book it."

"I'm on meds again," Itachi continued while he still had the courage. "For anxiety."

"Has it really been stressing you that much?" Deidara asked concernedly. "Don't worry about it! All I care about is that we're both there on the day, yeah. All the rest is irrelevant."

"You should know by now you can't talk sense to me about this, Deidara."

"Yeah, yeah," Deidara sighed dismissively. "So now we have a venue, can we pick a date?"

"Whatever you want."

"August 3rd," Deidara replied immediately, as though he had already thought about it previously. Itachi raised an eyebrow in question at him. "It's the first Saturday of the month," Deidara explained. "Weekends are better for people, yeah."

"Will you be inviting any of your family?"

Deidara faltered at that, looking uncharacteristically shy for a moment. "My mother. I'm not in contact with anyone else. There's just one tiny problem."

"Do tell."

"She doesn't know I'm in a relationship."

Had Deidara been anybody else, Itachi would have been surprised. However he nodded, accepting that piece of information readily. "Unsurprising, considering how rarely you talk. Do you think she'll mind?"

"Doubt it," Deidara shrugged. "She's pretty liberal."

"Would I be able to meet her before the day itself?"

"I'll try and arrange something," Deidara promised. Itachi smiled gratefully at him before mentally preparing himself for the meeting. Deidara had never spoken of his mother, so his mind was left to paint a vivid picture of her. Would she be an artist too? Or would she be the opposite of Deidara? He mulled it over as he drank his coffee, feeling a small surge of excitement at the thought before it was quickly engulfed by fear. What if she hated him? He willed Deidara to make the meeting as soon as possible, knowing his mind would terrorise him about the entire ordeal until it was over otherwise.

-.-.-

He didn't expect his mental request to be granted quite as quickly as it was. Within three hours of discussing it with Deidara, Elise Andersen was standing on the doorstep. Itachi barely had time to panic as Deidara, who had not told him the meeting was to happen right then, grinned and explained who it would be before going to answer it.

Itachi hadn't quite known what to expect. The fact that Deidara resembled his mother very closely was to be expected, and thus didn't come as much of a shock. The sunny smile on her face was identical, as were the blue eyes and blond hair. Hers had a curl to it, pulled up into a high ponytail with a few wavy bangs left shorter around her face while the remainder sat about halfway down her back. She was dressed in a smart white blouse and black pencil skirt, looking almost like she had walked right out of an office. Perhaps she had, Itachi mused.

"You are Deidara's housemate?" Elise asked, holding a hand out to Itachi. Itachi took it, unsure of what to say. It was a good assumption to make, even if incorrect.

"My name is Itachi," he replied instead.

"Elise. It's a pleasure."

Ever the good homemaker, Itachi offered coffee which was accepted thankfully, leaving him to slink off to the kitchen and calm down his racing mind. The fact Elise had noted the unicorns on the wall and said nothing bad of it meant she had to be used to the idea of such things, but with Deidara for a son that made sense.

"Mum, sorry to call you here, but there's something you should know," Deidara said once Itachi was back in the room- Itachi mentally berated him for waiting until he was present to break the news. "I'm going to be getting married, yeah. To Itachi."

Elise blinked a few times, eyes flicking between Deidara and Itachi before turning back to Deidara again. "So you're telling me you're gay?"

"I suppose."

"Old news," Elise shrugged. "You think I didn't know that? I know you moved out early but I saw enough of you growing up to know. Are you after my blessing?"

"Not really, yeah. We're going to do it anyway."

"Is that so? I'd have given it regardless."

Itachi watched the way they interacted, fascinated by it. Back when they had first become friends he and Deidara had discovered they held similar relationships with their mothers, but he had realised quite how similar they would be.

"So the unicorns- I take it that was your idea?" Elise sighed to Deidara. "You haven't changed a bit."

In the subsequent hour long meeting Itachi discovered a few things about Elise. She was an architect- her table always being covered in technical diagrams which was what had intrigued Deidara's artistic mind as he grew up, and to keep him away from her work she had bought him crayons and paper. He had loved it, and the rest was history. She explained why she hadn't bothered to change her married name despite Deidara's insistences (too much paperwork), that she was allergic to cats (and thus sympathised with Sasuke's plight) and she had a weakness for green tea and ginger biscuits (though not together).

In return Itachi told her about his family, his studies and conveniently skimmed over his mental issues. Such things were not first-time-meeting conversation points, even if his complex had been dominating his life for, well, most of it. Elise seemed satisfied, smiling and giving them a wave as they saw her out the door, standing side by side and looking the part of a happy couple- which they were, so all was well.

"She seems nice," Itachi mused as they shut the front door behind her.

"Yeah," Deidara shrugged, and no more was said about it. Itachi knew why they weren't all that close, and given that he had until recently been in the same position, he wasn't going to push it.

"We're seeing my parents this weekend for a meal," Itachi warned. "I don't know whether to cook for them or just go to a restaurant."

"Whatever you want. Any particular reason?"

"No," Itachi shrugged. Technically that wasn't true, but he had plans for the meal that Deidara wasn't yet privy to. "Just a family thing Sasuke organised."

"So we're seeing Sasuke as well?"

"Yes. You realise you're going to have to get along a little better since he'll be your brother in law."

"He's my best man, yeah. I already have to be civil."

"You chose him!"

"I was feeling nice."

"You made your bed, now you must lie in it."

"If my bed had Sasuke in it I'd be pretty pissed off."

"I wouldn't approve much either," Itachi remarked slyly, sending a tiny grin in Deidara's direction. Deidara grinned back and wrapped his arms around his partner's neck, locking their lips in a gentle kiss that Itachi welcomed. No matter how stressed he became, being in Deidara's arms always seemed to calm him down. Even when they laid in bed together, hot and sticky with mussed hair and stupid grins depicting afterglow, he had stopped caring about how perfect he looked. He would allow his long hair, often tangled and damp, to stay that way until the mood had passed rather than jumping straight up to shower and straighten out. He wouldn't try to hide the love bites Deidara gave his neck, allowing Sasuke to mercilessly tease him for 'being childish' when in reality Itachi loved it when Deidara had his lips to his neck just like _that_ -

"My to-do list this afternoon," Deidara purred into his ear. "Involves you, then booking the venue. Any objections?"

"Why would I object?" Itachi murmured in response, suppressing a shudder as he closed his eyes.

"I thought you wanted to study this afternoon, yeah."

"That can wait."

"That's good to hear," Deidara mused as he unbuttoned Itachi's shirt. "You've come such a long way."

"My mental issues do not make good talk for the bedroom," Itachi chided.

"We aren't in the bedroom."

"That is true."

"I do think we spend more time in the shower than in the bed, you know."

"Mm," Itachi hummed in a non committal tone, since Deidara had once again latched his lips to his neck.

"Perhaps we could change that."

"Mmhmm."

"How about the kitchen counter?"

"Unhygienic."

"Trust you to be a killjoy even now, yeah. Fine, what's your suggestion?"

"Stop talking and start acting."

"Oh," Deidara responded with a smirk, lifting his own shirt over his head. "I like the way you think."

Somewhere between the shedding of clothes and getting Itachi onto his knees, the doorbell rang. It rang again, again and then a final time before Itachi finally cursed under his breath- much to Deidara's amusement- and gathered his clothes together. Slipping them on quickly, he left Deidara to do the same as he went to greet the unwelcome visitor.

"Oh," Sasuke smirked when Itachi stood before him, shirt ruffled and his hair a mess with a very telltale look of frustration on his face. "I was passing by and thought I should deliver a message to you in person, but perhaps I should have called instead."

"What did you want, Sasuke?" Itachi sighed, leaning against the doorframe. Somehow, your little brother sussing you out was a definite mood killer.

"I hope you don't have plans tonight," Sasuke replied, his smirk still firmly on his features. "That meal we planned for next weekend? We're going out tonight instead. We'll meet you in the car park at the back of the cinema at seven!"

With those words he turned and headed back down the path. Itachi knew that smug grin was still present even without seeing it, slamming the door with a sigh.

"Don't take this the wrong way or anything," Deidara said as Itachi re-entered the living room. "But could we please kill your brother?"


	2. From This Day Forward

Since he was Uchiha Itachi and strove to be perfect in every way possible, even if he pretended otherwise sometimes, he parked up in the car park Sasuke had told him to ten minutes early. Because he had to have his traits from somewhere, and where better than his parents, they were already present and waiting with Sasuke by their side. Sasuke looked incredibly displeased, though whether it was for a specific reason or just being in the vicinity of their father, Itachi didn't know.

"Evening boys," Fugaku greeted as they approached. Mikoto gave them both a smile and a hug, dressed in a stunning floor length red dress. Fugaku was dressed in a suit. Sasuke was dressed in a smart baby blue shirt and black jeans, which was casual compared. Itachi thanked that he had decided to opt for smart clothes that evening, and even more thankful that he'd persuaded Deidara to do the same. He had no idea where the meal was going to be taking place and while they might be overdressed for some establishments, knowing his parents Itachi had to consider they might go to somewhere decidedly more upper class.

"We thought perhaps you kids could decide where to go tonight," Fugaku told them approvingly. Sasuke scowled at him, presumably because he didn't want to be called a kid, while Itachi and Deidara shared a thoughtful glance.

"I don't mind," Itachi shrugged after a moment of deliberation. "There's a Nandos nearby, or maybe we could go for pizza?"

"Nandos?" Fugaku echoed. "Is that the place that uses Mc on everything? McNandos?"

"For pity's _sake_ ," Sasuke hissed at him. "Are you really that clueless?"

Itachi glanced at the sky momentarily, sighing as he did so. Two seconds and already Sasuke was at his father's throat. Fugaku was ignoring the comment, but he did narrow his eyes in Sasuke's direction dangerously.

"We'll go for pizza," Sasuke decided for them. "Come on."

"Should we take the car?" Fugaku asked, gesturing to it.

"No, we're going to walk because it's _ten minutes_ away and the environment will thank us," Sasuke replied scathingly, already a couple of steps ahead. Itachi caught his shoulder swiftly, pulling him back so they were side by side as they walked.

"What's with you?" He whispered.

" _Him_ , in the car," Sasuke whispered back sharply. "Isn't it lovely how Itachi's settled down now, don't you think it's time you did, remember the Haruno family, their daughter Sakura is single you know- I'm sick of it!"

"If you don't want to tell him about Naruto then tell him you're happy being single," Itachi suggested.

"It isn't the point."

"Then could you at least try to be sociable? You're the one who dragged me into this, so you can help me get through it."

"Fine," Sasuke muttered, some of the tension he was holding visibly draining away slightly. "But you have to tell them now."

"I know."

"Why haven't you?"

"It's a long story."

"Shorten it."

"Sasuke, not now," Itachi warned, eyes straying across to Deidara. He was walking a few paces ahead, giving the siblings some privacy.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Sasuke asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"No. It's not that."

"I dislike guessing games, Itachi."

Itachi didn't have a way to shorten all of his mental idiocies into a feasible sentence, so he shook his head once more and gave Sasuke a glance that indicated that he should drop the subject. Sasuke glared back, but heeded the unsaid plea.

"Oi, Blondie," he called instead. "Stop being unsociable."

Deidara didn't rise to the bait, but he did fall back into step beside Itachi. Behind them, Mikoto and Fugaku walked at a slower pace. "So why are we doing this anyway?" He asked.

"Itachi didn't tell you?" Sasuke queried, surprised. "You mean-"

"Enough," Itachi cut in quickly. "You'll see, Deidara."

Deidara looked at them both suspiciously, but kept his silence. As they passed underneath a subway Deidara headed off a few paces ahead again, marvelling at the artwork on the walls, leaving Itachi to lean back in to Sasuke.

"I didn't tell him for a reason," he noted.

"Because you're awful when it comes to actually being straight with him?"

"No," Itachi disagreed with a sigh. "I stopped that. Enough about me anyway- how are you and Naruto?"

"Fine," Sasuke replied cagily. "Why?"

"Because I'm your brother and I'm interested in the happiness of my younger sibling?"

"We're fine," Sasuke repeated. "Worry about your own relationship, not mine."

"The day I get any details about you guys from you is the day I will die from shock," Itachi joked lightly as he glanced over his shoulder. "Wait up a bit for Mum and Dad. I doubt they know where we're going."

"Dad thought we were going to _McNandos_ ," Sasuke pointed out. "That man is far too absorbed in business and has no clue about the real world."

"So what can you recommend on the menu, son?" Fugaku asked Sasuke as they fell into line beside each other, giving him a smile and clearly attempting to dispel the negative energy between them.

"The pizza," Sasuke quipped. Catching Itachi's sharp look, he continued. "But I suppose the farmhouse is pretty good."

"Farmhouse? What's that?"

"It's mushroom and ham," Sasuke replied incredulously. "Have you _never_ eaten pizza before?"

"Of course," Fugaku replied, sounding slightly insulted. "We went to Italy, remember? They sold wonderful pizza there, without any of these fancy toppings. Our pizzas are nothing compared to be quite honest."

"You went to Italy?" Deidara asked, ears pricking up at this detail.

"Sasuke might be a little too young to remember," Fugaku chuckled. "I've travelled Europe quite extensively myself, but I took the family to Italy when the children were younger. Itachi and I also took a trip to Paris when he was sixteen or so."

"Have you been to Norway?"

"Actually, yes. Are you familiar with it?"

"I'm Norwegian."

Fugaku turned his full attention to Deidara, one eyebrow raised slightly. "Is that so? Interesting piece of information, boy. When did you move here?"

Itachi turned his attention away when Fugaku and Deidara began to talk animatedly about Norway and Europe. Deidara didn't know it, but starting their father on a conversation about Europe generally meant him repeating the same few stories about his trips there. Usually his father felt it necessary to repeat the fact Itachi had insisted they visit Disneyland while in Paris to pretty much anyone that would listen, putting emphasis on the fact he was sixteen at the time. He had no regrets though. The look on Sasuke's face when he returned home with a picture of himself next to a Disney princess had been priceless.

They arrived at the restaurant within the ten minutes Sasuke had specified, letting themselves be seated and handed menus. The server left them to decide on drinks and food, which Sasuke gave his input on immediately.

"Hey, Sasuke?" Deidara smirked. "I bet you can't share a Spicy Special with me."

"You're on," Sasuke replied immediately. Itachi declined to point out Sasuke wasn't the biggest fan of spicy food, knowing it was a pride issue and refusing to get involved.

"Wouldn't it be easier to order and share anyway?" He pointed out with a tiny smirk. May as well help his sibling's pride get torn to shreds, like the good big brother he was.

Itachi's suggestion was taken readily as the most sensible, so by the time the server came back they had decided on what to order. Mikoto, Fugaku and Itachi were happy to share one pizza while Sasuke and Deidara would share a smaller Spicy Special- with extra jalapeños on it that Deidara had been sure to request, too.

"Could we have some crayons please?" Sasuke asked the server quietly. "That blond there- he's mentally challenged, but he _loves_ colouring-"

"You jerk!" Deidara shouted at him. "I can hear you!"

The young girl looked between them before scurrying off, returning with a tray of drinks, crayons and paper. She tentatively put them down on the table, much to Sasuke's amusement and Deidara's chagrin. That didn't stop Deidara snatching them up once she'd gone away with their food orders, though.

"So," Fugaku said, attempting to dispel Sasuke's mirth at the situation. "Sasuke hinted perhaps there was a reason we should do this, Itachi. Any idea what he's talking about?"

"Yes," Itachi replied certainly, though he didn't feel it. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small jewellery box, giving Deidara a tiny smile and holding it out for him. Deidara's eyes widened slightly and he gingerly took the box, opening it to reveal a simple silver band inside.

"Itachi...?" He questioned, his voice a whisper.

"Deidara and I are going to be partaking in a civil partnership," Itachi explained. "That ring is long overdue."

Fugaku and Mikoto glanced between the two of them blankly for a moment while Itachi waited with baited breath for their opinion. It had taken him a long time to get to this point- while his parents seemed to accept the relationship, marriage was a completely different thing altogether.

Mikoto was the first to speak, a silly smile on her face. "Don't look so worried, Itachi. That's wonderful news."

"It's about time you settled down properly," Fugaku said with a nod of approval. "When's the date?"

"We're thinking of August 3rd."

"Excellent. I'll contact your uncle Madara and-"

"No," Deidara cut in immediately, looking up from the ring he had put admiringly on his finger. "Sorry, but no. Not Madara."

"Why not?" Fugaku asked, eyes narrowed slightly. Itachi shot Deidara a quick glare before attempting damage control.

"We haven't decided whether we'd like it to be a small close family event yet or not," he attempted to smooth over, lying through his teeth.

"Ah, I see. Let me know when you've decided, son."

"Of course. Deidara, could you show me where the bathroom is please?"

"It's just around that cor-"

Itachi viciously clasped Deidara's shoulder quickly to silence him as he stepped past, successfully gaining his attention so that he followed a few moments later. Itachi led him around the corner out of sight, glaring sharply at his partner.

"What?" Deidara hissed. "We don't want Madara there!"

"Maybe not, but you have to break these kinds of things to my Dad slowly," Itachi hissed back.

"Nothing is ever simple with you, is it?" Deidara sighed. "Fine. He's not coming, so you'd better find a suitable excuse soon."

He returned to his seat, leaving Itachi to mentally count to ten in an effort to calm himself slightly. He had enough things to stress about- adding Madara to the list was _not_ a welcome thought.

His attention was captured by Sasuke's raised voice from their table, saying something that sounded suspiciously like 'I'm not _interested_ in Haruno fucking Sakura, stop going on about it!' prompting Itachi to return to the table with a heavy sigh.

"She's a perfectly nice girl," Fugaku was protesting, giving Itachi a nod of greeting as he sat back down.

"I thought you never wanted us to get into relationships because it would distract us?" Sasuke countered.

"I've learnt such opinions were a mistake," Fugaku admitted. "After all, look at Itachi. He's proved he can be in a stable relationship and still be academically successful."

"This is Itachi," Sasuke pointed out. "He'd be successful at everything he touches even if it killed him. It's no surprise his first relationship worked out well, is it?"

"Hey!"

"You know it's true, Itachi."

"Regardless," Fugaku cut in quickly. "I don't understand you sometimes, Sasuke. Most young men your age would jump at the chance of a beautiful girlfriend."

"I don't understand you either," Sasuke bit back. "You don't see me attempting to analyse _you_ though."

Silence descended on the table, slightly awkward and uneasy. Pizza arrived shortly after, which was appreciated by everyone as it gave something to fill the silence with.

"Everything alright?" Deidara smirked at Sasuke as he eyed the spicy slice in his hand.

Sasuke glared at him and took a defiant bite, choking lightly a few moments later. Deidara snickered at him, while Itachi- who was stuck sitting between them- simply sighed and attempted to ignore them. His family was dysfunctional enough without adding Deidara to the mix.

"So Itachi," Sasuke spoke up, slyly stealing a slice of normal pizza from his sibling's plate. Itachi raised an eyebrow but let him do it. "About your stag night. Kisame and I have been discussing it, and we have a few ideas to help make the night _memorable_ for you guys."

Itachi nodded, waiting for him to continue. It didn't escape his notice that the words had captured the attention of the entire table.

"Since you'll be sharing a stag night, we decided we needed to have some hen night influence. So for half of it you'll be stags, and the other half you'll be hens."

"No!" Itachi remarked, at the same time Deidara replied with a rather shrill " _Never_!"

"We'll dress up too!" Sasuke continued, a smirk on his face. "Trust me, if we have our way you'll be getting so wrecked you won't even notice the short skirt and high heels."

"Kisame had a hand in this too?" Itachi asked, glaring at Sasuke.

"Kisame suggested it!"

"I see. I'll have words with him later. There is absolutely no way that's going to happen, Sasuke."

Opposite them, Mikoto had become very interested in her drink and Fugaku looked like he would rather be pretty much anywhere else but there. Itachi found that a touch amusing at least- apparently his parents could handle the idea of a gay relationship, but cross dressing was where they drew the line.

"Will you be attending, Dad?" Sasuke smirked, apparently noticing the awkwardness as well.

"I might come along for a drink or two," Fugaku replied. "Certainly before any cross dressing goes on. Really, boys- must you do such things?"

"It's a stag night!" Sasuke protested. "The entire point of stag nights is to drink copious amounts while watching strippers and making fools of yourself. Bonus points if a certain blond moron ends up naked on a train to France or something."

"No strippers," Itachi told him firmly.

"Oh come on! Kisame was really insistent on that one."

"Of course he was."

"What kind of stag night doesn't have strippers?"

Itachi almost retorted with 'since when did you care about strippers, you're gay' but he held his tongue at the last moment. Instead he let the conversation drop, returning to his pizza.

The rest of the meal went smoothly. Fugaku took the bill and paid before Itachi could protest- which he did anyway once he realised, but was ignored.

"You live off my money anyway," Fugaku pointed out, which subdued Itachi immediately. He stayed that way for the duration of the walk back to the cars, finally prompted into speaking by Deidara.

"Thank you for the ring," Deidara whispered to him, one hand snaking lightly around Itachi's waist. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," Itachi insisted. "Deidara- can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Would you object if we surrendered the house back to my father? It would mean moving to somewhere smaller and taking up part time jobs."

"Is this about what he said back in the restaurant?"

"Not really. I don't like him putting a fine point on it, but I've never really liked living off of his wage. I couldn't do much about it while living alone, but I might be able to now."

"If that's what you want," Deidara agreed. "I don't think any place we could move to would be as bad as my old one anyway."

"You know you never showed it to me," Itachi mused.

"That was intentional," Deidara admitted. "It isn't very nice, yeah. You're not missing much."

"Is it still registered to you?"

"Technically I guess so. I haven't changed my details- it's probably about time I did, actually. I'll call the council tomorrow and withdraw my need for tenancy."

Itachi nodded, slowing his stride to fall into line besides his parents. "Dad, can I have a word?"

"Of course, son. What is it?"

"I dislike living off of you," Itachi explained once more. "I want to give the house up and-"

"No."

Fugaku cut in firmly, causing Itachi to silence immediately.

"I provide for you because you are my son," Fugaku continued. "The home is yours. I will not permit you to give it back for such reasons- I _want_ you to live there."

Itachi didn't reply, feeling uneasy. Fugaku sensed it, putting a kind hand on his shoulder lightly.

"I've failed you boys a lot," he said quietly. "Please don't throw back at me one of the only things I _have_ managed to achieve for you."

"Alright," Itachi agreed sombrely. "Thank you."

Fugaku let his hand fall away, leaving Itachi to catch back up to Deidara.

"Did he agree?"

"The opposite actually," Itachi sighed. "I'm still going to get a part time job though, perhaps when college isn't so hectic. The less I can use his money, the better."

"I'll get one too!" Deidara replied, eyes lighting up. "I could work in an art museum. Oh! Or with... Fireworks! Yes! I could be a fireworks co-ordinator or something!"

"That sounds like a terrible idea," Itachi pointed out, pausing for a moment before smirking. "Besides, such a thing doesn't exist."

"Oh yeah? Who sorts out fireworks for displays in November then? A _fireworks co-ordinator_ , that's who!"

"A Pyrotechnician. Not a 'fireworks co-ordinator'."

"I could do it, yeah. Don't you think I could?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you are insane, Deidara," Itachi told him, though his voice was kind- condescending, almost.

They had reached their car, waiting by it for Fugaku and Mikoto to catch up, Sasuke a few steps ahead of them. He gave them a wave and made his way to their parents car, Mikoto following after exchanging a congratulatory hug with her son and son-in-law-to-be. Fugaku hesitated for a moment before laying a hand on Deidara's shoulder, giving him a nod as he did so.

"Treat my son well," he told him firmly, following on Mikoto's heels a moment later without another word. Deidara nodded in agreement, though it wasn't seen by Fugaku, before turning to Itachi.

"That went pretty well," he praised.

"It did," Itachi agreed. "Better than expected, actually. Come on- let's go home, shall we?"


	3. For Better or For Worse

The light in the hallway still wasn't working. Deidara sighed in annoyance as he pulled the communal door closed behind him with a soft bang, walking the worn green carpet and glancing around himself as he did so. Graffiti still covered the once cream walls and cobwebs still lined the ceilings like decorations. Nothing had changed in his absence but then again, nothing had changed in the years he had previously lived in the building so that was no surprise.

The light for the winding staircase was present, but flickered alarmingly as though it was moments from dissipating. Standing beneath such lights too long was prone to causing headaches, so Deidara traipsed the narrow steps quickly- he had learnt that when he first moved in, since most of the lights were out or flickered.

He walked halfway across the second floor and stopped at his old front door, letting himself inside. A quick flick of the light told him the electric had been cut so he opened the drawn curtains, illuminating the room through the single dirty window.

The bedsit had always been dismal. He had known that, but having come from Itachi's well-kept home only made him appreciate where he now was a lot more. The walls were damp and the carpet was threadbare- promises by the council to fix the problems were always broken, and so he learnt to live with it. The kitchen and bathroom were shared per floor, leaving him just a single room.

There was a bed in one corner, along with a table by the window. Other than that, he had very little furniture. Furniture had cost money and he didn't have much of it, so the bills had been paid and he had existed on paint and air. He didn't eat much- he grimaced at the thought, knowing back then he'd been well on the way to a disorder- and he certainly didn't _live_. Itachi was grateful for Deidara's influence on his life, but Deidara was equally grateful in return for so many additional reasons too.

"Time to say goodbye," he said resolutely to the damp walls. He had returned to pick up the last remaining items that hadn't migrated to Itachi's, before surrendering the property back to the council and officially declaring himself at Itachi's housemate and partner.

It also meant that finally, Itachi would be seeing the place he had been so ashamed of showing him. Deidara had made sure Itachi didn't even know where it was, let alone visit, but that was changing. After college, which Deidara had skipped, Itachi would be coming and he would see the place Deidara had had no choice but to call home once he had left his parent's place.

He had things to do to pass the time at least, smiling slightly at the mess of artistic equipment strewn around the place. Most of the time when he came to collect things he'd rip the place apart for a particular item then leave it a mess. The room looked ransacked as a result, but that was fine. He pulled the bag over his shoulder down and opened it, kneeling and sorting through the art supplies. Of everything left, that was all he cared for.

He was almost finished by the time Itachi finally called to say he was in the area. Deidara gave him directions and slipped back out of the room, going to wait outside. Letting Itachi inside made him nervous, but he told himself it wasn't his life anymore. He was past it now.

"I'm glad you found it okay," he said as Itachi got out of the car, having parked up next to him.

"You give pretty good directions," Itachi complimented. "Lead the way, then."

Deidara hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking them back inside the property, deciding to just take it in his stride as best he could. Itachi had never been one to judge people, and he wouldn't start now.

"Forgive the lack of lighting," he apologised as he led Itachi along the badly lit lower floor hall. "It's always been this way."

Without even asking Deidara knew Itachi had never been to such a place. He'd grown up in the Uchiha's modest home before moving to his current residence, both in nice areas of town. He could see Itachi was stepping carefully through the hall, one hand on the graffiti-ridden wall to steady himself, but he kept his lips sealed. Deidara was impressed he even managed to keep quiet when ascending the stairs, barely flinching at the flickering light.

When they finally stood side by side in the scant room, Deidara spoke. Itachi may have been keeping his silence, but he couldn't any longer. "I'm sorry, yeah. Do you see now why I didn't want you to come here?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes in thought, putting one hand to the damp wall. "This is a nice sized room," he mused, which wasn't at all what Deidara was expecting. "I don't see why it's so bad."

"You're insane," Deidara remarked, earning a raised eyebrow from Itachi that _he_ of all people was saying that. "Did you miss the lack of lights? The graffiti?"

"Those things aren't in your home," Itachi pointed out.

"What about the damp?"

"What about it? It happens in older places."

"You're never usually so optimistic," Deidara said suspiciously. "You're just trying not to offend me because you knew how I felt about showing you this place, yeah."

"A home is what you make it," Itachi disagreed. "I'm not superficial- I don't care how affluent something looks, Deidara. You should know that by now."

Deidara stared at him in disbelief before giving the room another glance around. "I never wanted you to think I spent time with you at your place because I was living here," he admitted quietly. "You might have thought I was using you."

"That's why you didn't want to show me?"

Deidara shrugged awkwardly, which meant yes.

"I would never have thought that," Itachi told him softly. "Look- I do come from a wealthy family, I can admit that. But that doesn't mean I look down on people with less than me, or automatically assume they're using me. Thank you for bringing me to your home, Deidara."

Deidara gave him a smile, brightening up slightly. "I'm going to knock on my neighbour's door, yeah. He might want some of this stuff, who knows? It's better than it getting junked outside."

Itachi nodded, finding himself alone in the room a few moments later as Deidara slipped off. Unable to help himself, he glanced around and took in the scene around him. Over by the nearby wall a pile of what looked like letters lay- presumably mail that had come, that Deidara had discarded to one side.

He walked over and eyed the top couple of letters to see if he was right, eyes widening slightly as he did so. He knelt down and picked up one of the letters- it was unopened, with a local council marker on the envelope. The thing that drew Itachi's attention however was the name- Deidara Andersen. Deidara never used his last name- he had once mentioned it was because it was something he gained from his father and he wanted nothing to do with the man, including his name. While Itachi had known it, seeing it in print was different. He dropped the letter, feeling immediately like he had intruded and pulling himself to his feet again. Instead of looking around further he waited against the wall by the front door, hoping Deidara would return soon.

When his boyfriend did return he had someone with him, who Itachi presumed was the neighbour. It was a man with short dark hair and a ridiculous orange mask covering his face- Deidara didn't seem too phased by this little detail, so Itachi said nothing.

"It's so good to see you, Deidei!" The man was saying happily. "I thought you'd _died_ or something-"

"Don't call me Deidei," Deidara hissed at him, folding his arms irritably. "You're just as annoying as ever, Tobi."

"So who's the cutie?" Tobi asked, directing his attention to Itachi. Itachi blinked a few times, unsure he had heard the man correctly, until he continued and all became clear. "She's not bad. No tits, though. Turn around sweetheart, let me see your-"

"He's a guy," Deidara cut in quickly, while Itachi simply stared at the man in disbelief. "Stop being a jackass."

"A guy? With eyes like that?"

"Pleasure to meet you," Itachi cut in swiftly, his voice polite as he stepped forward and held out a hand. When he was unsure how to deal with a person, he simply opted to such behaviour. "I'm Itachi. You are Tobi, correct?"

Tobi slowly took Itachi's hand and shook it. "Deidei, he scares me."

"Don't talk about him like he's not here!" Deidara screeched at him, looking moments from smacking the man. "And if you call me Deidei again I'm going to ransack your place and steal your stash of weed, yeah."

Tobi immediately straightened up sombrely, going to inspect the furniture while Deidara put one hand to his forehead with a sigh. "Forgive him," he whispered to Itachi. "He's high pretty much all the time. Sometimes he's inappropriate, sometimes he's like a child, sometimes he's angry- it's like he has multiple personalities, yeah. He doesn't mean any harm."

"No offense taken," Itachi replied back quietly, eyes on Tobi as he rifled through Deidara's fridge. The kitchen facilities on the floor were shared, but it seemed Deidara didn't trust having a shared fridge.

"You have food!" Tobi called. "Can I have it?"

"If there's anything in there I doubt it's edible, yeah. I haven't lived here for a while, remember?"

Tobi reached inside anyway, withdrawing his hand with a carton of milk. He shook it a little, as if testing it, before putting his hand on the top to unscrew it. Deidara was across the room in seconds, snatching it from his hands and glaring sharply at him.

"I won't be responsible if you kill yourself on old milk, yeah."

Itachi watched them, eyes lighting up slightly in amusement. For some reason he was getting a vibe from Deidara- it was very much like the one he himself emitted all the time when the artist was acting like an idiot.

"So do you want any of it?" Deidara prompted.

"Oh- sure, why not? I'll take whatever you don't want anymore."

"All of it, except the art supplies. Itachi, can you help me take some of those down to the car?"

"What about your letters?" Itachi asked, indicating them to the side. Deidara hesitated before rifling through them, selecting only a few that looked important.

"Hey, Tobi, can you burn these old letters for me?" He called.

"Alright."

"Thanks, yeah. We'll be back up in a second."

A few trips to the car later, Deidara stood in the middle of the room that was now mostly empty. Tobi had been shifting the furniture into the hallway- Itachi, being the gentleman he was, had been helping him in-between loading the car. All that was left was the bed, which he and Tobi were struggling with while Deidara reminisced.

"Goodbye damp-infested hellhole," he muttered, a tiny smile on his face. "We had some good times and some bad times- wait, no, we just had some bad times, so good riddance."

With that he helped the other two out with the bed, slamming the door shut and locking it one last time. He studied the items Tobi had taken that were littering the hallway, frowning slightly as he inspected it all.

"Why did you take a cupboard door?"

"Why not?" Tobi asked innocently. "It might be useful."

"Alright- what about the medicine cabinet?"

"Why not?" Tobi repeated. Deidara stared at him before giving up, glancing across curiously to Itachi as he smothered laughter behind one hand for reasons he couldn't work out.

"Ready?" He asked his partner.

"I am when you are," Itachi confirmed.

"Good, yeah. Let's get out of here- later Tobi. Take care of yourself."

"And you Deidei," Tobi sang, pausing in the middle of dragging a chair into his room to wave. "Bye bye It-whatever you name was. Don't you want any money for this stuff?"

"You don't have any money," Deidara pointed out.

"That's true. It's polite to offer though, right? How about some of the good stuff then- you and your friend could do what we used to do in the good old days, when we'd just sit around getting high and-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Deidara cut in loudly, practically pulling Itachi down the hall with him by the hand. "Bye Tobi!"

"I had no idea about your nefarious past," Itachi teased gently once they were on their way home. Deidara had glanced over his shoulder a few times as they drove away from the block, but eventually stopped when it was completely out of sight.

"Tobi over-exaggerates," Deidara explained. "We'd watch movies with snacks and he'd smoke dubious substances, yeah. He got so high once he spent ages explaining to me about how he's actually a two hundred year old man, and his entire purpose in life is to control people with mind-washing images projected onto the moon."

"He sounds... Interesting."

"He's crazy," Deidara concluded bluntly. "I just had to nod and go along with it else he got really upset. He was convinced I was a terrorist or something as well, and that I had bombs made out of clay in my bag."

"I think he might have been smoking some _very_ odd things."

"You never know with him. Anyway- we'd just chill out and _maybe_ once or twice I smoked a bit of whatever he had, but you can't tell me you haven't!"

"No."

Deidara stared at him blankly. "Are you serious?" He finally asked.

"Think about who you're asking that question to," Itachi reminded him. "Of course I'm serious."

"True," Deidara sighed. "I think your entire life might have turned out a little differently if you'd just got high when you were stressed, yeah."

"And I think you partook in such activities more than once or twice," Itachi smirked. "I don't care!" He rapidly added upon seeing the look on Deidara's face. "I was just teasing you. I really don't care what you did in your past, as long as you aren't going to get locked up for murder in the future or something."

"Speaking of murder, can we string your brother up for suggesting we dress up as girls on our stag night?"

"Apparently Kisame suggested it."

"Alright, can we kill him too? What were they _thinking_?"

"They were clearly thinking that if we humiliate us enough then we might get drunk to forget about it. Kisame has this thing about me getting drunk since he's never seen me that way."

"It's not exactly thrilling," Deidara shrugged. "You talk too much, then you pass out until morning when you wake up in a bad mood with a hangover. Much like many other people our age, yeah."

"I talk too much?" Itachi questioned, one eyebrow raised.

"Need I remind you of the night we went out before I left?" Deidara grinned. "You know, when you thought I was leaving for good, and you told me all about how you couldn't be perfect around me whilst crawling on your hands and knees?"

"Thank you for the memory," Itachi sighed, trying to ignore the burn on his cheeks. "Perhaps it's not that I talk too much- rather, that I say things that I have kept under lock and key until that moment. Anyway, I'm not planning on getting drunk. I will have a few but I will be sensible."

"What? It's our stag night! You have to get so drunk you fall over and throw up on someone's shoes- it's the rules!"

"There are no rules and I would rather not do either of those things, thank you."

"Sasuke won't let you get away with that."

"Sasuke is going to do as he is told. He has to remember that one day he might get married, and I will only gain revenge on him tenfold for any stunts he pulls on me."

"Can you see him marrying Naruto?"

Itachi laughed at that. "No."

"You don't think they'll stay together?"

"I don't know. Even if they do, I don't think they'd marry. Sasuke has enough problems admitting how he feels about the guy, let alone committing to him in such a manner. Plus he doesn't like too much attention on him, so the idea of a 'big day' would probably terrify him."

"You make him sound so much nicer when you speak about him, yeah. I almost feel sorry for him."

"Well we _did_ grow up together," Itachi reminded him. "For all the tantrums and sharp talk I've heard from him, I've experienced equal measures of pleasant moments. It's difficult to feel frightened of someone's temper when you've had to rescue them from monsters under the bed."

"I suppose that's true." Deidara paused for a moment, a small yet sombre smile on his face. "No-one rescued me from monsters. My Dad just laughed and my Mum told me not to be so stupid."

"No-one rescued me either," Itachi noted quietly. "I was the big brother. I was supposed to show a good example to my brother, and being frightened of things wasn't an option. Plus you've met my family- I wasn't close to my mother and my father isn't exactly known for his comforting skills."

"The monster under my bed had ten arms and used to eat my missing socks, yeah."

"The monster under my bed was a small shadow that wanted to suck the air from my lungs."

"That sounds a lot scarier than a monster that eats socks."

"I don't know- I was a perfectionist, remember? I think a sock eating monster would have been quite traumatising for me."

"Please don't tell me you were so perfect that even your sock drawer was perfect?"

"You don't need me to answer that, do you?"

Deidara didn't respond immediately, eyes slightly wide before he burst out laughing. "I'm so glad you got over some of the more ridiculous issues before we met, yeah."

"Thank you for calling my issues ridiculous."

"They were!"

"Your hair is ridiculous."

Deidara paused again, before finally laughing harder. "I can't believe that _you_ just made a joke like that. If I ever hear the phrase 'your mum' from you, I'm leaving."

"I'm glad your mood has been lightened," Itachi remarked with a smile on his face. Deidara stopped laughing abruptly, suddenly realising why they'd been having such an absurd conversation in the first place.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I appreciate the effort, yeah."

"And I'm just glad to see a smile back on your face," Itachi replied quietly, which Deidara smiled even harder at and promptly stayed that way for the rest of the journey.


	4. For Richer

Much too soon for Itachi and Deidara, the stag night rolled around. Kisame and Sasuke hadn't been talked out of their plan, and had dragged the both of them shopping to choose outfits. Itachi had protested the entire time before Sasuke got annoyed and yanked the shortest black miniskirt he could find off of a hanger, picked up a pair of skyscraper heels and finished the look with a sequined red and white striped top. Itachi had protested even more, but had then been physically dragged into the changing room by Kisame to try things on. Of course, security had been alerted until Sasuke sweet talked the burly man who had arrived to manhandle Kisame out of the store, explaining the stag night plan and earning a laugh and a wave to continue when Itachi dismally confirmed it.

Deidara, by contrast, had picked his own outfit once he had seen what Sasuke had picked for Itachi. He settled on a white mini skirt, white vest top and white knee high platform boots. He'd even bought a slide for his hair with a white flower on it, much to Sasuke's amusement.

"Are you ready?" Sasuke called, knocking lightly on the bedroom door.

Deidara opened it, grinning as he exited the room clad in his outfit. It looked even tackier on him in person than it had on the hangers, somehow. His hair was loose around his shoulders, teased with curling tongs he had also invested in so that it fell down his back in waves. He had picked up a Wonderbra, suitably stuffed with padding to give him the appearance of breasts to complete the picture.

"Not bad," Sasuke praised, which was high praise indeed coming from him. "You actually look like a girl. How's my brother doing?"

"Sitting on the bed sulking and refusing to change."

"This is absurd!" Itachi called out to them. "That skirt is- is- it's a _belt_ , Sasuke, and have you seen those heels? How am I supposed to walk in those?"

"Just get dressed and shut up," Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes. "Kisame's already waiting at the train station for us."

Sasuke himself was wearing what the store slogans had described as 'the perfect little black dress'- knee length and clutching to his figure, it didn't look as terrible on him as it should. He was holding a small black handbag and had a neat silver slide placed into his side parted hair, though sensibly he was wearing flat black shoes. Deidara had, of course, teased him about the slide considering that Sasuke himself had teased him about his own only minutes before.

Itachi eventually opened the door slowly to reveal himself in his outfit. He had left his hair long, though he hadn't styled it at all, and had even resorted to a coat of lip gloss. His sharply narrowed eyes were makeup free however, arms crossed over his chest which was sporting a gel padded bra.

"I can't walk in these," he argued, indicating the shoes.

"Try not to break an ankle," Sasuke told him airily before grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the front door. Itachi yelped and grabbed at the wall, instantly finding himself knocked off balance.

"Couldn't we have got a taxi to the train station?" He protested as he walked precariously down the garden path. Deidara, who was mentally thanking that platforms were easy to walk in compared to heels, walked confidently alongside him with a smirk on his face.

"Because this is more fun," Sasuke replied with a shrug. "You won't care once we get to the bar and get some drinks in you."

"I think I will, if I don't end up hospitalised with a broken neck first," Itachi protested.

Somehow they managed the ten minute walk to the train station- though it took twenty five, considering how slowly they had taken it- without any major catastrophes. Kisame was waiting, tapping his watch and shaking his head with a sigh.

"We missed the train," he declared, smirking as he looked between Deidara and Itachi. There wasn't much he could say about their attire however, considering what he was wearing was short, spangly and silver. He reached out and prodded Itachi's chest with a lecherous grin. "Gel?" He asked, before groping him. Deidara swiftly removed the hands invading his boyfriend, glaring at Kisame as he did so.

"He's not actually a woman, yeah. Keep your hands to yourself."

"But he looks so perky!" Kisame protested as Itachi discreetly attempted to straighten out his chest.

"Ever the charmer," Itachi sighed. "Please refrain from such behaviour tonight- I'm feeling rather self conscious as it is, without adding the shame of being thrown out of somewhere because of you."

"Oh by the way Itachi," Sasuke said, looking momentarily shy. "Naruto will be joining us tonight, if that's alright?"

"Of course it is. I was hoping he would come along- I rarely get to see you guys together," Itachi agreed, smiling a little at the look on Sasuke's face.

When the train pulled into the station they piled on, finding a set of seats to sit at. Some younger lads around Sasuke's age snickered as they walked past- Deidara flicked his hair over his shoulder and blew them a kiss, while Itachi wondered if it was actually possible to die of shame.

"Purple," Sasuke mused once they were sitting down. Three pairs of curious eyes turned to him, so he nodded in Itachi's direction. "Did you forget you're wearing a skirt? Sit discretely."

Itachi swiftly readjusted his sitting position, glaring at his sibling before turning his attention to the window. Deidara clasped hold of his arm, leaning against his arm with a smirk on his lips.

"It'll be fun," he noted. "Just relax, yeah. We aren't the first guys on a stag night dressing up and we won't be the last."

They pulled in at the next stop along the line, which appeared unproductive until the sliding doors between carriages opened. They heard Naruto before they saw him, flanked by another person.

"Hey! Hey guys!" He shouted down the carriage. "Sasuke! Sasukeeeeeeeeee!"

"Shut up," Sasuke hissed at him when he reached their side, a sunny smile on his face as always. He was wearing a bright orange miniskirt that Itachi swore went out of fashion in the 90s, along with a white blouse and orange flat shoes. Apparently he also didn't want to contend with heels. "Must you draw attention to yourself constantly?"

"Lighten up," Naruto sulked, poking him in the ribs. "It's a celebration!"

"So you must be Sasuke's brother?" The person Naruto had arrived with asked Itachi, giving him a grin and pointing to himself with one thumb. "I'm Kiba. Dude, I totally ordered you a stripper- she's so hot she's on fire and her tits are incredible."

"Tell me more," Kisame said, immediately springing to life.

"Idiot," Sasuke told him with a sigh. "Did Naruto forget to mention my brother is marrying another guy?"

Kiba considered this for a moment, taking note of Deidara still latched to Itachi's side before shrugging indifferently. "Eh. I can just tell her to go home with me instead then."

"Cancel her," Sasuke told him sharply. "Itachi would kill me if I allowed you to go through with that."

"Aw man, are you serious?"

"You aren't even coming tonight!" Sasuke protested. "You're going to the cinema with a certain _someone_ who probably wouldn't be pleased to hear you talking about taking a stripper home."

"Yeah but I _would_ have gone to the bar for a stripper. Naruto told me what was going on tonight so I spent ages finding the best one-"

"You mean the one with the largest breasts-"

"Shush, that's the best one, right?"

"Hinata might disagree. How were you planning on cancelling your date in order to watch the stripper you ordered, then?"

"I wasn't going to cancel! I was going to... Rearrange it. Yeah, that's it. Rearrange."

"You're awful!" Naruto told him firmly. "Hinata deserves to be treated with the utmost respect."

"I do, I do," Kiba sighed, waving a hand at Naruto. "What she can't hear or see doesn't hurt her though, right?"

Itachi decided to keep out of the conversation, as did Deidara, politely pretending it wasn't going on as they watched the scenery fly by. Their stop was the next one- Sasuke and Kisame had a route planned, apparently, and it involved starting in a small pub Kisame gave rave reviews for. They had even drawn up a map to show the newlyweds-to-be exactly where to go, pouring over it together at Itachi's living room table. Most of the talk had consisted of conflicting opinions of what made a decent pub, which club they should end up at, and which routes to take to walk between them. The route in question had been chosen for various reasons such as 'this one takes us past that sex shop with the lingerie in the window', 'this one means we get to go into that bar with the hot bar staff'- of course, both Kisame's ideas- and the slightly more sensible 'this one knocks a few minutes off the walk'.

"When can we get changed into normal clothing?" Itachi asked as they got off of the train, once again pulling on the bottom of his skirt in an attempt to make it cover more than it did.

"After a few pubs," Sasuke informed them. "Before we hit the club, don't worry. I want to see you having some fun tonight, not sulking all evening because of your outfit."

Kiba bid them farewell with another congratulations, jogging off down the platform ahead of them. Itachi made their pace slower because of his heels, though he was beginning to get used to them (not that he would admit that).

"Dad will meet us in about an hour at the next bar," Sasuke explained. "He's coming straight from work."

"Didn't you tell him we would be dressing up later in the evening?"

"Yes. Do you really think he'd have agreed to come if he knew we'd be doing this in his presence? You know he wouldn't."

"You aren't quite ready yet- I have something for you," Kisame told them as he reached into a bag slung over his shoulder, pulling out two sets of L plates and sticking one each to Itachi's and Deidara's backs. "Excellent. Can't have hens without L plates."

"Of course not," Itachi sighed, but he didn't protest. L plates, women's clothing- it was all terrible and he was still doing it, so he didn't have much fight left in him.

Upon reaching the first pub, not a single person battered an eyelid at the sight of five guys dressed as women entering the bar. That fact made Itachi feel slightly better, seating himself as far in the corner as he could get while Sasuke went to order drinks.

"What do you mean, you want my ID?" He heard his little brother cry out indignantly. " _Here_! Seriously, I've never been IDed before but I dress like this and suddenly I look underage?"

"To be fair on the poor guy you only turned eighteen recently," Itachi pointed out as Sasuke returned, eyes like thunder.

"I don't look underage," Sasuke hissed at him. Itachi dropped the subject, deciding it wasn't worth the hassle. "I don't know what you guys wanted to drink and I don't care. You're having this."

'This' was a cocktail of Sasuke's own making, in a lowball glass and coated with ice. It looked and smelled like death itself- neither Deidara nor Itachi looked thrilled at the prospect of drinking it, but the pointed glares they received from Sasuke told them they didn't have much of a choice.

"What's in this?" Itachi ventured to ask.

"Drink it."

Deidara and Itachi exchanged a look before doing as they were told. Sasuke looked moments from forcing it down their throats- both of them were acutely aware they weren't going to get out of drinking ludicrous amounts of alcohol that night.

"What _is_ that?" Itachi choked once the glass was empty.

"The Sasuke Special," Naruto piped up. "He's made me drink it before. I was sick the first time, but you kind of get used to them."

"Wonderful," Itachi remarked. "Care to tell me what's in it?"

"It's a mix of vodka, whiskey and peach schnapps," Sasuke replied with a sigh. "It doesn't taste very nice, but it's become a bit of a tradition with us."

Itachi didn't dare to ask why, too concerned with mentally quelling the fire that burned in his throat thanks to it. Thankfully Kisame noticed his distress and got him something a little more sensible in the form of a coke- Itachi was grateful for about three seconds until he realised upon taking a sip it had whiskey in it.

"Please allow me to at least pace the evening," he requested. "I would also like to still be sober when we meet my father."

Deidara, having resigned himself to his fate, took to the idea of getting blindingly drunk a lot easier than Itachi. By the time they left the first pub he was already on the way to merry, laughing heartily with Naruto about some joke no-one else found funny. Sasuke had started telling blond jokes to counter them but was pointedly ignored by both blonds present.

"You are going to get drunk, right?" Kisame asked Itachi worriedly. Itachi raised an eyebrow in question at him for the statement.

"Why are you do concerned if I do or don't?"

"Because it's your stag night!" Kisame protested. "Besides, I told you before- I've never seen you drunk, so it'll be fun."

"There is nothing fun about inebriation. The last time I did it I got so hung over I rather hoped I'd die."

Kisame laughed at that, patting him on the shoulder. "That's the sign of a good night, Itachi."

"If you say so," Itachi muttered before halting where he was standing. They were outside of the next pub, since it was only a street away, and it seemed his father was already present. He was outside with a pint in his hand, a smile on his face as he casually chatted to a couple of other patrons. He was still wearing his work shirt but it was un-tucked, top few buttons open and tie missing, giving the appearance of looking more casual than Itachi had ever seen.

"Fucking hell," Sasuke murmured. "Is that our father?"

"Apparently so," Itachi murmured back.

"Mr. Uchiha!" Kisame called, gaining Fugaku's attention. He took one look at the gaggle of 'girls' and sighed, raising one hand to his forehead.

"I thought you boys were playing dress up later," he scolded lightly.

"The plan changed," Sasuke replied smoothly. "Buy us a round, would you?"

"Don't be rude," Itachi told him sharply. "It's nice you could make it, Dad."

"No problem son," Fugaku remarked with a shrug. "I won't be here long though. Your mother will worry. Here." He handed a note to Kisame, who was standing closest. "I would like to buy a round, and not because Sasuke says so."

They moved to head inside but Fugaku caught Itachi's arm, giving him a pointed look. The other four noticed and swiftly headed inside, leaving father and son together outside.

"I hoped that one day I'd get to see this," he admitted after a moment. "I can't say this is quite how I imagined your life would go, but none the less I'm pleased that you're happy. You are happy, aren't you?"

"Of course!" Itachi replied. "I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't."

"Then I just have one request for you. Could you involve your mother a little with the wedding plans? I know you'll never be best of friends, but she's anxious to do something useful. She thinks you won't ask her because of your past."

"Does she want to organise the flowers?"

"That would probably be lovely for her. Thank you, Itachi."

"I was going to ask her to do it anyway," Itachi told him with a small smile. "I just hadn't got round to it. I've been having some issues I needed to work through."

"Anything you want to discuss?"

"Just me trying to be too perfect again," Itachi summed up with a shrug, not wishing to delve into such a conversation right then.

"You know where I am if you want, son. Now let's go inside and get a drink, shall we?"

They headed inside together, Fugaku grabbing Itachi's arm as he tripped over the step with a sigh.

"Really son, could you at least have worn flat shoes?" He remarked. "I notice none of the others have heels."

"Deidara has platforms," Itachi remarked as he righted himself, cheeks tinged in embarrassment.

"That's nothing compared to what you have on your feet."

"Over here!" Deidara called, beckoning them to a corner table. He had another drink in his hand, holding one out for Itachi. "Vodka and Red Bull. The first drink we shared together, yeah."

"So it was," Itachi mused as he took it, a nostalgic smile on his face as he sat down next to Deidara. Leaning across to him, he brought his lips to his boyfriend's ear. "So have I expanded my garden enough yet?"

Deidara stared at him for a moment before laughing outright. "I admit, I mostly said all that to rile you," he admitted. "It worked, didn't it? You ran off to hide in the bathroom like a teenage girl."

"I'd barely realised I was attracted to you then!" Itachi argued. "Of course you embarrassed me!"

"Would it embarrass you now if I told you I like it when your garden expands?" Deidara replied in a husky whisper, smirking as he noticed Itachi's eyes widen slightly.

"Quiet," Itachi ordered after he had collected his thoughts. "You'll ruin the magic of that memory."

"I'm not a magician but I can make things _disappear_ ," Deidara whispered back, tracing the tip of his tongue around Itachi's ear. "If you _know_ what I _mean_."

"I know exactly what you mean and I bid you to stop it," Itachi hissed. "Wait until later, if you must. My father and brother are at this table!"

"So Dad," Sasuke said, his voice indicating that he was clearly attempting to bury the hatchet between them for the night. "Tell us about your stag night."

"It was your standard affair, son. Lads out on the town for the night dressed in suitable attire having a few too many drinks."

"How boring," Sasuke sighed. "If I ever have a stag night I want something interesting, like a trip to Amsterdam or something. A stag _weekend_ , where we spend the whole time getting high and drinking."

"Amsterdam is kind of boring," Deidara interjected. "Especially De Wallen. It's a depressing hellhole of human trafficking and sex slaves, yeah."

"De Wallen?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The largest red light district of course," Deidara remarked with a roll of his eyes. "Where else did you think I was talking about?"

"When the fuck did you go to the red light district?"

"I spent two years in Europe not that long ago," Deidara countered. "Of course I visited. I left after two days because I was so fed up with it, yeah."

"Oh well, your loss," Sasuke shrugged. "You won't be coming to my awesome stag night in Amsterdam then."

"Don't you have to get married first to have a stag night?" Fugaku remarked, a hint of an amused smile on his lips.

"Who says you need to get married to go, Sasuke?" Naruto pointed out. Itachi found himself wincing slightly at the tone of his voice that practically begged Sasuke to admit their relationship. Silence reigned, so he continued when it became clear Sasuke wasn't going to. "We could go and do that anyway."

"Please do," Itachi remarked, hoping to help dispel the atmosphere that had been created slightly by his brother's peace. "Because if you do it for a stag night I'll have to attend, and that plan doesn't sound like my idea of fun."

"Nor mine," Fugaku chipped in. "I would also have to be in attendance, just like I am now. If you do intend to do something like that at any other time, just don't tell your mother. She'd only worry."

"I'm eighteen," Sasuke protested. "I'm not a little kid anymore!"

"You will both always be our children," Fugaku responded sagely. "The inclination to worry doesn't diminish with age, unfortunately."

The conversation stayed amicable and easygoing, Fugaku opting to buy the next two rounds of drinks before they decided to move on to the next pub. By then the alcohol was beginning to take effect, meaning 'the fun part of the evening is starting' according to one rather tipsy Sasuke.

"I'll be taking my leave," Fugaku told them once they were outside. "But first I have something for you, Deidara."

He reached into the bag he had been carrying, pulling out a gold gift-wrapped parcel for Deidara and handing it to him. All eyes were on him as he curiously tugged the paper off, eyes widening when he realised what was inside.

"You're going to be part of the Uchiha family," Fugaku explained as Deidara ran his fingers across the art box in front of him. It was crafted from pine and varnished, a red and white fan emblazoned on the top of it. "That's the Uchiha family crest. I know you won't be changing your name, but you will be married to my son which is good enough for me."

"Thank you," Deidara breathed, fingers running across the Uchiha fan slowly.

"Open it," Fugaku prompted. Deidara did so, eyes lighting up further at the sight of the art supplies within the box. "I don't know about these things, so I had Mikoto go to the art store and ask for some of their finest supplies."

"This entire box is Daler-Rowney," Deidara whispered. "You shouldn't have."

"Nonsense, boy. It's an acceptance into the family- I'll take it with me so you don't have to carry it around, alright?"

Deidara handed it back with a fervent nod. "Thank you so much, yeah. I really appreciate it."

"I knew you would," Fugaku nodded with a grin, patting his shoulder in a friendly manner. "Enjoy yourselves, boys."

He surprised Itachi by giving him a very quick hug, but it was a hug none the less. He released his grip after mere seconds, but it was enough to put a smile on Itachi's face. They waved Fugaku off as he headed for the nearby taxi rank, leaving them to somehow walk to the next point on the map, so to speak.


	5. For Poorer

"When can we change out of these ridiculous outfits?" Itachi asked as he once again tugged on the bottom of his skirt. He was walking much better in the heels, but his feet were killing him- he really had no idea how women did it so effortlessly.

"We can change before we leave the next bar," Sasuke promised. "Then we'll hit one more bar then the club."

"Do we have to go to the club?"

"Yes, Itachi."

"But it's my stag night- what if I don't want to?"

"I want to," Deidara spoke up. "And it's my stag night too, yeah."

"Since when we you interested in clubbing?" Itachi asked curiously.

"Since it's a stag night," Deidara replied, sounding confused. "It's what you do, isn't it?"

"It doesn't have to be. There are plenty of things you can do- it doesn't even have to involve alcohol."

"Boring," Sasuke sighed. "Lighten up, please. You're in your early twenties, not your fifties."

"I'm wearing a skirt and heels," Itachi pointed out. "I think that I've 'lightened up' enough, thank you."

"You would never have done this before, would you?" Deidara mused quietly as he linked his hand into Itachi's. "I'm proud of you, yeah."

"I suppose that's true," Itachi acknowledged. There wasn't much that could be construed as perfect about their current situation. Somewhere in the back of his mind he felt he should care, but the medication he was on was seemingly taking the panic he would normally feel and locking it away out of his reach. It was a strange feeling, but a welcome one.

"Who would have guessed we'd get this far considering all the obstacles in our way," Deidara noted. "If anyone had said that an artist would get with the lawyer-to-be I'd have laughed at them."

"I'm a teacher-to-be, not a lawyer."

"That's what you were studying when we met. Still- an artist and a teacher?"

"What's wrong with that? Besides you could teach art, couldn't you? Then it would be two teachers."

Deidara thought that over for a moment before nodding in agreement. "I guess I could. We could work together in the same school! That would be awesome!"

Itachi didn't respond, purely because he wasn't entirely sure if that _would_ be awesome or not. As nice as working with Deidara would be, he had a suspicion it could also lead to mayhem since mayhem followed Deidara around like a faithful puppy.

The walk they were taking took them through a small park. It was usually alive in the day but at night it served as a quick route towards one part of the town, or a temporary place to sleep for people after a night of heavy drinking. It was close to deserted as they headed through it, and thus so was the children's play equipment to one side of the path.

Naruto was the first to point to it in glee before running off to it. Deidara followed immediately, Kisame a few moments later, while Sasuke and Itachi stood on the path wearing identical unimpressed looks.

"Must you?" Sasuke called to them. "Come on, don't be stupid."

He was promptly ignored. Sighing, he headed towards a nearby swing set and sat on one irritably. Itachi joined him, lightly rocking the swing he was sitting on with his feet with a tiny smile on his face.

"It seems your boyfriend does the same kinds of things mine does," he pointed out. "I'm not surprised Deidara followed."

"Does it ever feel like you're more of a parent then a partner sometimes?" Sasuke asked, sounding a touch wistful.

"Yes. But not in a negative way, if that makes sense. It can be like that, but I wouldn't change it."

Sasuke seemed to mull that over, eyes on Naruto as he did. He was clambering up the metal slide, slipping as he went before finally making it to the top. Sasuke's gaze softened and he looked down at the ground, an awkward smile on his lips.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I know what you mean. Hey, Itachi?"

"Hmm?"

"Why isn't Deidara taking our name?"

"He's happy just being Deidara."

"What about his current surname?"

"He dislikes it and refuses to use it."

"Oh seriously? It's something stupid, right?"

"No. He just has issues with it, that's all. It's best not to ask about it."

Sasuke let the conversation drop, looking like he wanted to say something else. Itachi waited patiently, and was rewarded a couple of minutes later.

"Thanks," Sasuke muttered, not looking at his brother. "For not... Well... For not being a jackass to me even though I am to you sometimes. I am actually happy for you, though I'm never telling Deidara that."

"I appreciate it," Itachi smiled in response, reaching across to ruffle Sasuke's hair before stopping. Instead he straightened the slide he was wearing to save messing his hair. "But you know what else I'd appreciate? I'd like a cinnamon wedding cake, you know."

"You want me to make it?" Sasuke asked, eyes wide. "I- of course I will. Don't blame me if it's awful, though. I've never made a big cake before."

"If it's easier you can make wedding cupcakes instead if you'd like."

"Cupcakes do sound like an easier choice."

"Then cupcakes it is," Itachi nodded. "Thanks, Sasuke. You can ice them with our wedding colours if you want."

"Which are?"

"I have no idea," Itachi admitted. "I haven't really thought about it, and Deidara's leaving it all in my hands. I'll talk to Mum about it I suppose."

They stayed in silence for a while just watching the others on the play equipment. The three of them had taken to sitting in the small space at the top of the slide, presumably talking between themselves. Itachi got up to find out what was going on, but was stopped by Sasuke's hand on his arm.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Sasuke."

"Would you ever date a woman?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes slightly, sitting back down on the swing. "That's an odd question to ask. Care to explain your reasoning?"

"I was just wondering. Would you?"

"Yes. I don't mind what gender someone is, as long as they're a decent person inside. It took a while to realise that though, especially since my first major relationship with with a male. Would you?"

"No," Sasuke sighed. "It bothers me sometimes. I can't tell Naruto this because he'd take it to heart, but sometimes when Dad's getting on my case about having a girlfriend, I wish I could just do that and maybe it would improve the relationship between us."

"You don't have to date a woman to do that with Dad," Itachi pointed out. "You know what you need to do?"

"What?"

"Stop acting like a jerk to him," Itachi replied kindly as he tapped Sasuke on the forehead. "Come on, let's get these guys and make a move."

They approached the slide, Itachi halting at the sound of Naruto's voice and putting a hand out to Sasuke to do the same. He hadn't expected the tone of conversation to be so serious.

"-but I just wish he'd _tell_ his parents about us, so I could feel like we're actually a couple," Naruto was saying. "He knows I feel like this, but it's Sasuke- he's not the easiest person to talk to."

"That's because he's a jackass," Deidara interjected helpfully.

"I think you have some talking to do," Itachi whispered to Sasuke, who looked sombre. Itachi gave him a pat on the shoulder before making his presence known at the bottom of the slide, calling up to them.

"Climb up!" Kisame smirked at him.

"Never," Itachi replied immediately. Heels and short skirt aside, he wouldn't be caught dead doing so. "We're going, so come on."

Upon arriving at the next bar they realised within seconds they'd walked into a warzone. A football match had been playing that evening- none of them were football fans, minus Kisame's over-patriotism when it came to country matches, so they had been unaware. The first couple of bars had had it showing on the screens, but their current bar it seemed people were taking it just a little too seriously.

"Perhaps we should move," Sasuke suggested as a chair flew past them.

"Oi you fucking tranny, move," one guy yelled at Sasuke, shoving him roughly to one side and stalking past him. Itachi was two seconds away from chasing the guy down but Sasuke apparently had it under control, exercising a severe lack of control when he grabbed the guy's shoulder, span him round and punched him square in the face.

"Fight!" Kisame yelled excitedly, and all hell broke loose. Itachi deftly stepped outside to avoid it all, while the others got stuck in. The football fans were as inebriated as they were, but they took the cross dressing stag party occupants lightly. It was their downfall- within minutes they were strewn across the floor, nursing their heads and various other body parts while four 'ladies' stood triumphantly over them.

"Don't fuck with me," Sasuke warned the guy who had pushed him, one foot on his head in warning.

The barman, who had been watching the fight disinterestedly, sighed audibly and picked up a shot glass. "Are you having a drink or what?" He asked Sasuke, his tone bored. "It's on the house. That guy is a class A twat who I'm happy to see on the floor."

Sasuke smirked and accepted the proffered shot, knocking it back easily before heading for the exit before any of the patrons decided to exact revenge. The others followed, meeting with Itachi outside.

"We won," Sasuke said simply. Itachi sighed in response and said nothing. "Come on, we'll go up the club."

"I'm not going in the club dressed like this."

"Then we'll go find a bathroom and change or something."

Keeping his word, Sasuke led them to a nearby public bathroom. The single guy who was present washing his hands gave the party a strange look as they traipsed inside, blinking a few times and clearly wondering if they were actually girls or not- a sure sign of too much to drink, since they obviously weren't.

"How encouraging," Itachi muttered, indicating a sign on the wall. "A sign outlining the dangers of drugs. Another sign next to it outlining the dangers of sharing needles. _Another_ sign next to that indicating that the blue lighting currently blinding us is to deter intravenous drug use."

"There's a needle over there in the corner," Deidara pointed out helpfully.

"Right," Itachi remarked flatly. "I'll be outside."

"Still dressed like that?" Sasuke snickered.

"I'll work something out. I'm not touching anything in here."

"Priss," Sasuke teased.

"Enjoy your diseases," Itachi shot back, already halfway out the door.

"Do you think he realises how ridiculous he sounds?" Sasuke mused as he quickly changed his clothing into more suitable attire. "So there's some signs and a needle- big deal. It's not like he's going to touch it, is it?"

"I can still hear you," Itachi called to them from the doorway.

"Stop being petty," Sasuke called back.

By the time the four of them met Itachi outside he had already changed into normal clothes. Sasuke stared at him in disbelief. "You got changed in the middle of the street?"

"It was the better option," Itachi told him firmly. "You have no idea how glad I am to be rid of those heels."

"Now we're going to really dive into the alcohol," Kisame grinned as he reached into his bag. "Here. Another gift, since you guys just got rid of the L plates."

He pulled two stag horn headbands out, planting one on Deidara's head and the other on Itachi's. Itachi regarded him bemusedly for a moment before removing his, putting them on Deidara's head instead. Deidara grinned in response, happy to wear two pairs.

Plans for the club were almost thwarted. Sasuke was once again asked for his ID which prompted him to start yelling about how he was over eighteen and how the doorman were bastards, only for him to produce said ID and get refused entry for his attitude.

"Please," Itachi stepped in, shoving Sasuke roughly aside before he could spout any more verbal abuse to the doorman. As much as he didn't want to go to the club, he didn't want to think what the alternatives Kisame and Sasuke could possibly come up with were. "I will take full responsibility for his actions tonight. Here is my ID. This is my stag night- I promise you that he is all talk and no action. He's had a few too many tonight and has forgotten his manners."

Sasuke, wisely, kept his mouth shut even though he was clearly aching to speak up. The doorman glanced between the two siblings, one of them inspecting Itachi's ID, before sighing and waving them past irritably.

"Thank you," Itachi said with a smile, before ushering Sasuke inside and out of their earshot. "You owe me," he shouted to his sibling, attempting to make himself heard over the noise.

The club was as Itachi predicted. The bassline of dance music thumped through them, making it impossible to hear one another. Thanks to anti-smoking laws the club wasn't thick with smoke- instead, the lingering scent of alcohol mixed with the aroma of cologne and perfume. The dance floor was crowded with people who Itachi deemed far too young for such an environment, making him feel about ten years older than he was. It didn't help that Sasuke blended effortlessly with the young patrons, the eyes of many girls on him that he blatantly ignored.

"This isn't really your scene, is it?" Kisame pointed out when they were sitting in a corner together. Naruto had dragged Sasuke to the dance floor, and Deidara had followed for reasons unbeknownst to Itachi. He suspected it had something to do with recapturing his younger days, judging by how content he looked dancing with no-one but himself.

"Definitely not," he agreed.

"Then how about a drinking game? Take a shot every time Sasuke scowls at someone. Take a shot every time Naruto drags Sasuke to do something he doesn't want to do, but Sasuke's so whipped he does it anyway. Take _two_ shots every time Deidara and Sasuke fight."

"I would be paralytic in moments if I followed that last rule."

"Follow the rest then," Kisame smirked, leaving to get a tray of shots. Sighing in defeat, Itachi didn't argue when he returned- if he couldn't let his hair down on his stag night, when could he?

"Okay, here's the rules," Kisame stated as he lined the shots up on the table. "Take a shot every time any of the things outlined before happen. Also take a shot if a girl eyes your brother up. Take two shots if he gets looked up by a guy."

"Why do all of these rules centre my brother?"

"Because he's an easy target. Now come on, keep up with me pretty boy Uchiha."

"Resorting to my high school nickname? How old are you?" Itachi paused for just a moment, a smirk on his lips. "Captain."

Kisame's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You remember that nickname?"

"Why wouldn't I? You remember mine, don't you?"

"True. Good to see some fight in you. First shot's up, Sasuke just scowled at some girl for daring to dance into his personal space."

-.-.-

Two hours later, it was decided that making a move to go home would be a smart idea. Sasuke, who had spent most of the time on the dance floor sipping cocktails, was the one who initiated it simply because he had no idea what had happened to Itachi and Kisame in his absence. One minute he had been on the dance floor and a glance to his brother and his oldest friend both showed them to be chatting quite normally, while Naruto and Deidara chatted amicably at the bar a few steps away. Then a group of girls had surrounded him, each one of them vying for his interest, and he had averted his attention to getting rid of them. Ten minutes later, Deidara had approached to cautiously warn him that Itachi and Kisame had just finished off a tray of shots and were laughing hysterically at something. Itachi laughing in such a manner was unnerving, he had said.

Of course Sasuke had pushed him away, not caring what his brother got up to. He had begun to care when Itachi, clearly intoxicated, had come to find he and Deidara on the dance floor. Barely able to keep his balance, he circled one arm around each of them and attempted to pull them closer, resulting in nearly falling over. Then he had given them a grin, told them that he loved them, and casually mentioned just how alike they were before leaving them alone. They had both stood and stared at one another, aghast at the suggestion, before Sasuke had decided it was time for his brother to quit the drinks because they clearly killed his brain cells.

And so, this led them to standing on the pavement outside of the club waiting for a taxi to arrive. The alcohol had loosened Sasuke's inhibitions a little, leaving him standing with one arm almost possessively around Naruto's waist while Naruto grinned from ear to ear at the public contact. Deidara was playing with his mobile phone, seemingly reasonably sober compared to the rest of them, while Kisame attempted to hold Itachi upright. Since he was also paralytic it didn't work out very well, eventually leaving them both sprawled on the ground.

"Come on, get up," Kisame urged as he clambered unsteadily to his feet.

"Aye aye, Captain," Itachi responded before dissolving into laughter, though since he was Itachi it was pretty muted. Kisame laughed too, though none of the others got the apparent joke.

"This is classic," Sasuke remarked as he snapped photos with his mobile. "Neither of them are going to remember a thing in the morning."

"Itachi says they played a drinking game," Deidara mused as he glanced down at his boyfriend, an eyebrow raised in amusement. "He should know better, yeah. You Uchihas are lightweights."

"He might be a lightweight but I'm not, thank you Blondie."

"Bullshit, remember that time we-"

"Quiet, Naruto."

The taxi arrived in due time, though the driver looked unimpressed at the thought of taking a group of drunk young males. He said nothing though, keeping to himself for the duration of the drive home. Naruto took it upon himself to pay the man, mostly because Sasuke was too busy laughing at his brother who had just fallen out of the side of the taxi once the door had been opened.

"Oh dear," he sighed as he jumped out to help Itachi up. "You're going to regret this tomorrow."

"It's your fault anyway," Itachi told him defiantly. "Scowling at people and brushing off girls- it's all your fault."

"Of course it is," Sasuke soothed, despite having no idea what his dear sibling was talking about. "Come on. We're all going to crash here tonight, okay?"

"The taxi's gone. Do I have a choice?"

"Nope."

"Alright then."

Once inside, Naruto took over mothering duty, making all present drink some water to help offset the liquor before shooing them all off to bed. Kisame, Naruto and Sasuke made use of the living room while Deidara and Itachi made their way to the bedroom.

"Good night?" Deidara asked as they collapsed onto the bed.

"Mm," Itachi murmured, still fully clothed as he closed his eyes, clearly not caring.

"It's nice to see you let yourself go a little, yeah. You should do it more often."

"Mm."

"You can't even hold a coherent conversation, can you?"

"I love you."

Deidara had to smile at that, flicking out the light. "I love you too."


	6. In Sickness

"Sasuke."

Sasuke awoke to the sound of his name being called, the effort of opening his eyes while tired and suffering a hangover making him irritable immediately. He softened when he realised it was Naruto, sitting over him with an inquisitive smile on his face. Without a word, the blond burrowed his way into Sasuke's covers without warning, curling up against his side.

Stunned, Sasuke toyed with the idea of kicking him out, but the warmth of his partner's body against his own silenced him. Slowly he circled his arms around Naruto in return, a tiny smile quirking his lips when Naruto sighed happily against his chest.

"Too much alcohol," he scolded lightly.

"Nah," Naruto disagreed. "Go back to sleep, Sasuke."

Sasuke decided against telling him that he had no intentions of doing that, staying where he was and wondering how it was possible to feel so content from such a simple act.

It was Deidara who finally disturbed the slumbering members of the living room, coming in cheerfully at around eight am- late by Deidara standards, and it seemed he intended to make up for it.

"Morning!" He called cheerfully as he whipped the curtains open, seemingly devoid of a hangover. Sasuke mentally cursed him, feeling his own head pounding. "Come on, time to get up!"

"Fuck off," he spat instead. "Let us sleep."

"Aw how cute," Deidara cooed in response, spying the curled up pair. Sasuke scowled darkly at him for his observation. "Who wants breakfast?"

"Not made by you."

"I can pour cereal and make toast, yeah."

"Stop talking about food," Kisame responded from his spot on the sofa, finally joining the conversation with one hand shielding his eyes from the sunlight.

"Itachi said the same," Deidara mused as he practically skipped off to the kitchen.

"Probably because he's nursing a hangover like the rest of us _sane_ people," Sasuke muttered.

"I don't feel too bad," Naruto murmured against Sasuke's chest. Sasuke finally sat up and pushed him away in spite for his comment. Ignoring Naruto's whimper, Sasuke went in search of his elder sibling.

Itachi was still in bed, curled up with a pillow over his head. Sasuke had to smirk at that, leaning against the doorframe. Deidara had also opened the bedroom curtains, which explained Itachi's actions. "Good morning," he called.

"Is it?" Was the pitiful response he received, which had Sasuke laughing to himself and closing the door behind him. Might as well give him a little more peace before Deidara attempted to drag him out of bed.

-.-.-

The rest of the morning had gone as expected- everyone except Deidara and Naruto had slept most of the day, nursing headaches that lasted for two days. Itachi swore off of alcohol forever, Kisame laughed at him and Sasuke simply sat in the corner with black coffee and scowled at anyone who came near him. Except Naruto- he got a reprieve, since he was the one bringing the coffee.

Within a couple of days, normality returned. The days moved forward, the weather got hotter and August 3rd approached speedily. The venue was booked, the invites sent out, the reception organised and the wedding colours chosen with the help of Mikoto. Unsure of what to pick Itachi had simply told her he wanted a muted colour and a bold colour, to represent both he and Deidara. After much deliberation and playing around with paint swatches, they had decided that red and white would be a nice mix.

Mikoto had swung into action, organising balloons and flowers for button holes and favour bags handmade by her- simple silk white squares filled with almonds and tied with striking red ribbon. Itachi had been glad to leave her to it, concerning himself with finding suits for Deidara and Kisame, along with a red tie for the former and a white for the latter. He and Sasuke would be wearing kimono, though Sasuke had opted for a plain red one while Itachi's was on the fancy side, patterned in red and white though still managing to maintain a masculine look.

On one particularly scorching afternoon Itachi had ventured into town to pay the deposit on the suits- his parents were paying for the kimono, but Itachi had insisted on getting the suits. Deidara was going to an art exhibition. By all terms it should have been a normal, albeit hot, day.

What _wasn't_ normal was seeing Uchiha Madara's silver BMW pull up alongside him and stop, causing beeps from the car behind for how abrupt it was. Itachi stopped too, staring in disbelief as his uncle climbed across the seat and opened the passenger door.

"Itachi," he greeted. "Could I borrow your phone?"

"Don't you have a phone?" Itachi asked sceptically. Madara grabbed his arm and physically yanked him into the car, switching the child lock on in the moment Itachi was stunned and holding his hand out as he settled back into his own seat.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked as he tried the door, frowning when he realised he couldn't open it.

"Phone," Madara replied.

To get it over with Itachi handed over his phone, which Madara put into his pocket before driving off again. Stunned, Itachi opened and closed his mouth as he attempted to work out something to say in response to the sudden, current events.

"What?" He finally articulated, which wasn't very articulate at all.

"We're going for a little talk," Madara told him.

"This is kidnap."

"Now now, no need for such drama. Kidnap is something that happens to children and pedigree dogs, not grown men."

Shamed into silence, Itachi stayed quiet. Madara drove him to his home which, much like his home further north, was situated in a quiet cul-de-sac and radiated expense. It was a small bungalow with a pristine garden, though Itachi didn't see any neighbours behind twitching curtains as he was dragged up the garden path. Perhaps they were too frightened to spy on Madara's business.

Once inside he nearly fell over Miya the cat, who was helpfully asleep right by the front door. She looked at him with eyes that spoke of arrogance and irritation- much like her owner, really- before she sauntered off to find a new spot to sleep in.

"Must you be so rough?" Itachi hissed at Madara as he was herded into a bedroom and roughly shoved inside. Madara locked the door behind them, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't care. I want answers out of you."

"Do tell," Itachi remarked, keeping his eyes on Madara as he circled him like a cat circles a mouse.

"I _know_ there's something in the contract," Madara said sharply, indicating some paperwork on the bed. Itachi glanced to it, recognising his own handwriting on it. "I intend to find out what. You gave me that signature too easily, Itachi."

"Can you not accept I simply changed my mind?"

"I could, if I had any reason to believe that to be the truth."

Fast as lightning, Madara was behind Itachi- he barely had a moment to react before he found his legs being kicked out from under him. Whilst he scrambled up from the floor Madara fled, shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Think about your answer," he called through the door as Itachi banged on it angrily. "I'll be back in one hour. Re-read the contract to refresh your memory, and we will talk."

Itachi growled in frustration, still banging sharply on the door. Madara was either ignoring him or no longer present, so with no other options he went and sat on the bed irritably. Had he been taken by anybody else he would have been worried, but it was Madara. He was family, and he valued his family even if he didn't show it often. Itachi knew his life was safe, which left him with only anger to fall back in the absence of fear.

With little else to do but wait, he flipped through the pages of his contract. He didn't need to refresh his memory- he would spend the hour given to him devising a way to pull the wool over Madara's eyes and walk free once more.

-.-.-

Madara came back exactly an hour later, true to his word. Unfortunately for Itachi he had no idea how to mollify his uncle, since reassuring him he had no intentions of giving up the job when offered on a loophole was likely to be scorned at.

"Ready to talk?" Madara asked, folding his arms and giving Itachi an expectant look.

Itachi stared back at him. When all else fails, resort to an escape plan.

"Sure," he said slowly. "But just let me use the bathroom first."

"So you can attempt to escape? I don't think so."

"Escape? Madara, I know you think life revolves around you, but we are not in a movie. I have no intentions of knocking you out with a well-placed candlestick and escaping through a convenient air duct or such."

Madara didn't look convinced, but he relented and led Itachi from the room regardless. He checked the bathroom window was locked, removed the key and stared at him sceptically before pulling the door closed with a soft click behind him. Immediately Itachi sprung into action, searching the room for something adequate for his idea. Eventually he settled on a large and heavy bottle of hair conditioner- it wasn't a candlestick, but it would have to do. Steeling himself, he flung the door back open and hit Madara on the back of the head to daze him.

At least, that was the plan. In reality Madara deftly sidestepped, knocking Itachi off balance slightly so he could be easily knocked to the floor. Madara leant down and grabbed the bottle of conditioner, frowning at it.

"A bottle of Luscious Locks conditioner?" He mused. "The only thing you could have chosen that was more useless than this would have been a toothbrush. Itachi, Itachi, Itachi. You're going to make me add assault to this, you know that?"

With those words he promptly exercised said threat, knocking Itachi unconscious in one easy hit.

-.-.-

Itachi awoke with a pounding headache, groaning softly and attempting to sit up. He found himself unable to move much, his hands and legs bound with rope that was also keeping him strapped to the bed. Not wanting to question why Madara had large amounts of rope so easily accessible, he narrowed his eyes and met Madara's gaze.

"The good guys don't always win," Madara smirked from his perch on the nearby windowsill. "As you said, we are not living a movie. Talk."

"Untie me," Itachi demanded instead, struggling against the rope. He scowled as he realised this was the second time he had been restrained to a bed, thinking back to when Deidara had 'surprised' him by handcuffing him to their one. However, this situation was a lot less wanted.

"Not a chance," Madara snapped, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I want to know where your get-out clause is."

"Why does it matter to you so much if there is one?" Itachi asked curiously. "Tell me that much at least."

"Let me tell you a story, Itachi," Madara responded after a few moments of thought "A few years before you were born, I founded my company as you may or may not know. Back then I had the perfect heir."

Itachi couldn't help but be intrigued, nodding for him to continue. Besides, the quicker Story-time With Uncle finished, the quicker he could be released and hopefully go home.

"His name was Izuna, and he was my little brother," Madara confessed. "Unfortunately he passed away. Your father was working with the police at the time and headed the murder investigation, but nothing came of it. I couldn't let my brother's passing crush me, so I threw myself into my work and made the company rise to the top of the ranks so I could say to myself I succeeded for him- for Izuna. The reason I've been headhunting you is because I know you have the power to continue making it succeed, even when I am no longer here. Your father, too. It was a sensible choice but I needed you on my side. Do you understand now?"

"I do, but kidnapping and tying me up doesn't make me very sympathetic to your cause."

"It's irrelevant, since I hold the contract that you state has no get-out clause in it for you. The fact that you speak as though you still have a choice in this matter means you were lying about that."

Itachi glared at him sharply, shifting against his restraints once more. "You realise the moment you release me I'm going to call the police?"

"Indeed, and I will explain that you have a grudge against me and you are fabricating stories to get back at me. I'm known to the force as one of their chief benefactors. I give healthy donations. They would believe me over you."

Itachi simply stared at him for a moment before mirth sparkled in his eyes despite the circumstances, and he found himself laughing slightly. "Please. You really are making yourself sound like a movie villain. I suspect when I call the police I'll hear nothing of the sort."

"Yes, yes, whatever you say," Madara said with a sigh. "The point is you are completely at my whim right now, so don't you think you'd better start talking?"

"I have never been very talkative."

"Cute," Madara sighed. "Humour doesn't suit you."

"Just like humility doesn't suit you."

"Correct, therefore I don't try. Your insolence is beginning to anger me."

"Look," Itachi sighed, realising he was getting nowhere fast. "I'm sorry about your brother, I really am. However I don't want to live my life in your chosen manner just because he can't."

Madara contemplated that for a moment. "How about if you were in my position and Sasuke was the one who was dead?"

"Don't say that," Itachi replied sharply.

"Exactly. You don't want to think about that, do you? That your precious little brother could be easily taken away from you. What is it that Sasuke is studying?"

"Biochemistry. Why does it matter?"

"And if he were to die, are you telling me you wouldn't be even the slightest bit interested in attempting to pick up where he left off? To make sure his work could continue on?"

Itachi didn't reply, unable to answer because his reply would have been 'probably'. As it was he was trying rather hard to ignore the sudden images of a world without Sasuke that were flooding his mind.

"Where's the loophole, Itachi?" Madara pressed once more, his tone lower this time. "Tell me so we can amend it, or I offer the promotion to Nagato."

"Won't that be going against your own contract with my father?"

"You don't want to do it- that much is clear," Madara continued. "But you want your father to have the break _he_ desires, so you will do it. Very noble of you, Itachi. You always did seem to be the type for martyrdom."

With that he tore up the contract in his hands, throwing the pieces of paper up in the air like confetti. They rained down around them on the bed while Madara untied the ropes, getting up and opening the door.

"Fine," he said shortly. "You're free to leave. I will be passing the promotion to Nagato."

"But-"

"You had your chance," Madara interrupted. "Now you get to explain to your father why he no longer has the job he expected."

"You realise that by doing that I am no longer bound to your whim either?"

"It's a pity, but yes. I am aware of that. I do intend to rectify that- you have twenty four hours to write my up a new contract for Nagato, that also includes you."

"Why would I do that?" Itachi remarked curtly.

"Because if you don't your father will suffer in his job. I can't fire him, but he will want to leave. I will make certain of it."

Itachi's eyes widened at that. "You spiteful jerk," he hissed. "You'll stop at nothing to get what you wish, will you?"

Madara smirked in response. "I am Uchiha Madara. I _always_ get what I want."

Itachi glared at him, slinking through the bedroom door and out of the house before his uncle could change his mind. His head was still pounding but he managed to get across the street and out of sight before sinking to his knees and clenching his eyes shut in pain. Madara still had his phone. His car was parked in town over half an hour away. Standing up made him feel nauseous, making him painfully aware that he was probably suffering from mild concussion. So he stayed where he was, eyes shut and on his knees not caring who could see him.

At least that was progress, he thought bitterly. He was looking pretty imperfect right then.

"Are you alright?"

The voice made him jump, glancing up to see a concerned passer-by glancing down at him. The middle aged gentleman had a collie dog on a lead, who was also somehow looking as concerned as an animal could.

"I will be," Itachi reassured him. "Could I please borrow your phone to arrange a lift home, however?"

-.-.-

Itachi had to give Sasuke his credit. He arrived in one piece, even if he arrived a good ten minutes quicker than Itachi had expected. The Skyline screeched to a halt at his side, Sasuke opening his window and looking at Itachi worriedly.

The man, who had stayed with Itachi, seemed pleased that help had arrived for the 'lovely young man suffering such a terrible migraine'- Itachi hated to lie, but he somehow suspected telling the truth to a stranger wouldn't have been a good idea. Instead he thanked the man once more, gave the friendly dog a pat on the head and forced himself to get into Sasuke's car.

"What the fuck happened?" Sasuke asked bluntly. Itachi had been equally blunt in his phone call, simply asking to be picked up and saying he 'wasn't feeling well'. "You look terrible."

"Thank you, dear brother. If you must know, Madara happened."

"Madara?"

"Drive to Dad's work place," Itachi requested. "I'll explain on the way."

He filled Sasuke in with all the relevant details, conveniently leaving out the part where Madara had kidnapped and assaulted him. Sasuke listened, but he frowned when he spotted the hole in the story.

"So why do you look so awful? I know you, and you wouldn't have called me unless you had to. Where's your car? And how did Madara meet up with you? I don't think you willingly went out for coffee."

Itachi sighed, knowing he was going to have to come clean about that portion at least. "Technically he kidnapped me."

" _Technically_? How do you 'technically' kidnap someone?"

"By grabbing hold of them and physically pulling them into your car, then putting the child lock on so you can't get out again."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "That does sound like kidnap. Here was me thinking you were being dramatic."

"I am not dramatic, Sasuke."

"Could have fooled me sometimes. Speaking of fools, where's Blondie?"

"At an art exhibition."

"Direct me. We're going to get him."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're going to marry him for some reason- he has a right to know what's going on in your life."

"No. I'll tell him later," Itachi promised. "We have to get to Dad before Madara does. I have to explain what's happened to him."

"You still haven't told me why you look-"

"It's just a headache," Itachi finally interjected. "I called you because I needed to get to Dad quickly. That's all."

Sasuke didn't seem convinced, but he didn't argue the point any more. Itachi regarded him with a sidelong glance, Madara's poisonous words coming back to haunt him regarding the death of his sibling. He couldn't imagine such an event- his mind automatically attempted to close the thought down when it came, yet it left him with a breathless feeling and a tight throat.

"Sasuke?"

"Mm?"

"You..." Itachi paused, shaking his head. "Never mind."

"No, what?"

"Thank you for picking me up," Itachi finished lamely. He couldn't put what he was thinking into words. Thank you for not being dead? I love you and don't want to imagine life without you because the thought crushes me? He mentally shook them away as best he could, scowling inwardly at Madara for planting such seeds in the first place and thankful that Sasuke had arrived at their father's nearby work place.

Striding through the lobby side by side, Itachi noticed that most of the eyes in the vicinity were on them. It was clear they were Uchihas- their genetics were strong, after all, and they radiated importance just because of their lineage. It helped that Itachi was dressed reasonably smartly, and even Sasuke was managing to pull off looking smart despite wearing jeans.

"We'd like to see Uchiha Fugaku please," he told the receptionist. "Tell him his sons are here to see him and that it is urgent."

"Of course," the lady replied, professionalism lacing her tone as she picked up the phone and dialled an internal number. After a short conversation with someone, presumably their father, she nodded and held a hand out in the direction of the lift. "The eighth floor, room 12."

"Thank you," Itachi nodded, before swiftly making his way out of the limelight. He didn't like so many people observing him- it made his complex creep forward in his mind and especially after his display in the street earlier, he did not need that.


	7. And In Health

Fugaku was waiting at the lift for them, worry creasing his brow as he looked both of them up and down. "You're not injured," he observed. "If not that, then what?"

"Can we talk in private, Dad?" Sasuke requested.

"Of course, son. This way."

The moment the door was closed Itachi felt shame biting him. If he'd only gone along with Madara, if he's only been more enthusiastic, if only if only- he didn't want to be the one to break the news to his father, but he refused to let Madara do it. All of a sudden his throat had closed up and he found himself unable to speak, opening and closing his mouth a few times before finally giving up and sinking into the chair opposite his father's desk, burying his head in his face with a heavy sigh.

"What's going on?" Fugaku asked, a hint of concern lacing his tone as he sat on the edge of his desk next to Itachi. He laid a light hand on his son's shoulder, looking even more concerned than he had previously.

"Madara's a prick," Sasuke supplied helpfully, in an effort to get the conversation going. "Itachi? Tell him."

Itachi wanted to. However his mind was too caught up in how badly he was letting his father down and the earlier thoughts about Sasuke's untimely demise, and instead he was channelling his efforts into not crying all over his father about what a failure he was. The tiny voice of perfection was speaking louder, making sure he knew all about how he was going to be ruining his father's business career, taking away the one thing he had strived for in the company.

"Itachi?" Fugaku hinted, squeezing his shoulder. "Talk to me, son."

Itachi steeled himself, bringing his head up from his hands and fixing his father with a neutral look. All he needed to do was apologise, explain what had happened with the contract, and then continue on and make it clear that he hadn't wanted to be tied to the contract in the first place. Instead he got as far as 'I'm sorry' before promptly choking on his words.

"Are you kidding me?" Sasuke sighed from his shoulder. "Seriously Itachi, it's not the end of the fucking world. No-one's dead and no-one's dying. Man up!"

"There's a few things I didn't tell you about my meeting with Madara," Itachi hissed at him in response, shame burning his cheeks as his hands subconsciously rubbed at his still-sore wrists.

"Could one of you explain please?" Fugaku barked, anger overtaking his tone. Itachi wasn't offended- when concerned, his father and Sasuke both always turned to aggravation to get answers. "What did Madara do?"

"He kidnapped me," Itachi finally told him. "He... Used force in an attempt to find out what loophole I put into the contract I signed, and wouldn't take no for an answer. I attempted to escape, he... Apprehended me-"

"I don't like those pauses," Fugaku cut in. "You can't hide things from me, son. What did he do?"

"He knocked me out," Itachi muttered. "It doesn't matter! That's not the important part-"

"That's the most important part!" Fugaku cut in sharply. "He might be my boss but you are my son! What else could possibly be more important than him assaulting you?"

"He tore up the contract," Itachi admitted, closing his eyes and feeling wetness trail his cheeks as he did so. "Dad- I'm so sorry, I-"

"You're safe," Fugaku cut in, putting both hands on Itachi's shoulders. Itachi opened his eyes in surprise at the action, looking up to meet his gaze. "I don't care about the contract."

"But it means he won't promote you!"

"Then so be it," Fugaku shrugged. "For all the trouble that has been caused by my want for that promotion, perhaps it's time to let it go. Madara is using it as a bargaining chip to get his own way because of the value placed on such a prestigious promotion, but you are worth more to me than that. He won't fire me- no-one else can do this job like I can, and the other partners wouldn't allow it. My job here is safe, and I am lucky to hold such a secure position in this recession. Don't worry about it, Itachi. You haven't failed me- I know that's what is upsetting you, and it is a non issue."

"Mr. Uchiha?" The intercom from the desk interjected their conversation- Itachi recognised it as the receptionist from earlier. Fugaku held down the button with a sigh, barking an acknowledgement to her. "Uchiha Madara has arrived back, and he is requesting to see you in his office."

"Looks like you got here in good time," Fugaku remarked as he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. "Stay here, boys."

"Don't bring up what he did to me," Itachi near-pleaded.

"Don't worry," Fugaku told him as he headed for the door. "We will be talking business only."

With that he was gone, leaving the Uchiha siblings alone in the room. Sasuke, who had been sitting on the windowsill looking out at the city, immediately opened a window and lit a cigarette with a heavy sigh.

"I swear, the tension you create sometimes," he scolded. "You stress me out just being around you."

"Dad isn't going to be impressed that you're smoking in his office," Itachi scolded right back, collecting himself before joining Sasuke on the windowsill. "Though I must admit, I could do with some stress relief of my own right now."

Sasuke held out the cigarette, a smirk on his face.

"No," Itachi chided. "I am quite content living without the risk of lung cancer, thank you."

"I told you you're dramatic."

"And you're ruining your health."

"Itachi, tell me something," Sasuke asked when they had been sitting in silence for a few moments, simply sharing the view of the city skyline together. "Did Madara give you any insight into why he wants you to succeed Dad so badly?"

"He thinks I will help the company go in the right direction. He- apparently he set the company up because of his brother."

"Madara has a brother?"

"He does. A _younger_ brother. He died, unfortunately." Itachi paused momentarily. "He made some comparisons between him and you that I didn't like."

"I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon," Sasuke promised as he put his cigarette out, immediately knowing what Itachi meant. "See? I just added another three minutes to my life by putting that out for you."

"Thank you, Sasuke. Perhaps you could extend your life by a further forty-four minutes by throwing the other nineteen away?"

"Point taken," Sasuke muttered as he emptied the packet out of the open window. "It's a terrible habit, I should quit, blah blah blah. I know." He paused for a moment, sighing and lowering his voice. "Naruto hates it, too."

"You know the answer to that."

"Keep doing it to piss him off?"

Itachi sighed, fixing his sibling with an impressed glance. "No, Sasuke. That isn't how relationships work."

"Are you going to call Deidara? What time did his exhibition finish anyway?"

Itachi checked his watch, frowning as he did so. "Ten minutes ago. I'd better call him. Can I borrow your phone? Madara has-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, both of them whipping round at the sound of the door being wrenched open harshly. Madara stood in the doorway, eyes narrowed sharply straight at Itachi.

"I knew you were here," he hissed as Fugaku pushed past him, attempting to bar him with his hands. Madara shoved him aside roughly, stalking across the room to Itachi. "Your father didn't care very much about the loss of the promotion. He didn't seem very _surprised_ , and since I have your phone still there was only one way he could have known."

He procured said phone from his pocket, throwing it out of the open window. Itachi stayed calm, feeling Sasuke's hackles rising next to him.

"Madara, my family is more important," Fugaku reasoned from behind him, his voice professional and calm. "Nagato will be pleased to take the promotion, and if it worries you so much that I will not be in the position, then pass it to me as planned-"

"It's not you I want!" Madara shouted in response, cutting him off. "It's _him_!"

He pointed straight at Itachi, who stared defiantly back at him.

"You can't have me," he replied, his voice steady. "I am not interested. Let it go."

"Madara, leave now and we'll forget this happened," Fugaku insisted. "I'll even put aside the kidnap and assault on my son, if we can just put this incident behind us and carry on as before."

The words pained him to say. Itachi could sense it, knowing for any father to put aside such a grievance must be hard. He watched Madara as he clenched and unclenched his fists, anger slowly beginning to drain away until eventually only defeat was left. He turned back to Fugaku, sighing as he did so.

"You know why I do this," he reasoned quietly. "For Izuna- for him, I do this. I only want what's best for the- no, for _his_ company."

"I know. You're going about it the wrong way, though. Kidnapping my son? Forcing him to agree to things against his will?"

"You were there when he signed that contract. You could have stopped him."

"He is a grown man," Fugaku disagreed. "I can only advise him. I cannot stop him doing anything he wishes."

"Fine," Madara replied curtly. "Discuss it with Nagato. Come back to me when you have a decision between you."

He left the room as dramatically as he had arrived, slamming the wooden oak door behind him sharply for good measure. When the pictures on the walls had stopped shaking, Fugaku broke the silence by reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Pulling some cash out, he pushed it in Itachi's direction.

"Go and buy yourself a new phone," he sighed. "I need to get on with my work, boys."

Itachi tentatively took the cash, not wishing to argue at the moment. "Thank you," he murmured, earning a nod from his father who was already sitting back at his desk with paperwork in his hands. Quietly he and Sasuke fled from the room, staying silent until they were back outside and in Sasuke's car. Only then did they relax, Itachi looking skyward as he allowed the tension he was holding to drain away.

"Should we look for your phone?" Sasuke asked.

"I doubt it would be much good now."

"Perhaps you can finally move forward with the rest of the world and buy an iPhone," Sasuke smirked as he started the car, pulling said iPhone from his pocket. "Here, call Blondie. I think he needs an explanation, especially since he can't get in contact with you now."

Itachi took the phone, staring at it for a moment before attempting to navigate the menus in an attempt to find Deidara's number. Eventually he found it, filed under 'Blondie' instead of sensibly being under his real name.

"Deidara?" He said when his partner picked up. "Are you home?"

"Not yet, yeah. Why are you calling me from Sasuke's phone?"

"Long story," Itachi sighed. "I'll be home soon, and I can tell you all about my day today. Fix me a stiff drink, would you?"

Upon getting home he found Deidara waiting concernedly on the doorstep, and no stiff drink in sight. Sasuke grimaced at the look on the artist's face before bidding Itachi good luck, heading home and leaving Itachi to head up the path to ease his partner's mind.

"What happened?" Deidara asked immediately. "You sounded so weary. You _never_ ask me to fix you a drink. You-"

"Did you fix the drink?"

"Well no, I thought it was a metaphor."

"Fix the drink and we'll talk."

A few minutes later Itachi was relaxing on the sofa, closing his eyes and leaning his head back as he swished the whiskey in his glass around. He could sense Deidara hovering impatiently nearby for an answer, so he glanced up at him and indicated that he sit down next to him.

"The short story is my uncle Madara kidnapped and assaulted me," Itachi finally said, deciding to just give the story straight rather than sugar coat it. "He tore up the contract, I went to see my Dad who told me not to worry about it, which Madara wasn't too pleased about. He gave my phone an impromptu flying lesson out of the window and eventually told Dad to talk to Nagato and make a decision about the promotion. I think he's hoping they'll rip each other's throats out for it."

Deidara simply stared, stunned. Itachi took the moment to knock the drink back, ignoring the burn in his throat for doing so.

"No wonder you wanted a drink," he finally mused. "Here was me thinking my day was exciting. What the hell is wrong with your uncle?"

"He had a younger brother," Itachi replied quietly. "I feel kind of sorry for him actually, but not enough to become his puppet and work for him."

"You know, I'm kind of worried about our wedding day," Deidara sighed. "Drama seems to follow you around, even if you don't want it to. I want a nice straightforward day!"

"And you'll get that," Itachi promised. "Just... You won't ride in on a giant unicorn, throwing glitter all over everyone will you?"

Deidara raised an eyebrow at him, clearly questioning his boyfriend's sanity. "No...?"

"Good. Thank you for that. It has been a worry."

"You give yourself problems, you know that? If you want you can walk down with your Dad instead, yeah."

"I might just do that," Itachi mused. "I'll talk to Dad about it."

"Hey, Itachi?"

"Yes?"

"We're getting married in a week's time."

"You say that as if it could have slipped my mind."

Deidara beamed at that. "I'm just excited. I can't believe it's almost here, yeah. I can't believe we're actually getting _married_."

"I'm glad we've come this far," Itachi responded with a tiny, grateful smile. It spoke volumes to Deidara, who interpreted it immediately and took the empty glass from Itachi's hand.

"We've come this far because we make a good couple," he replied as he embraced Itachi tightly. "You don't have to look at me like that, yeah."

"I'm thankful for what I have."

"I am too, but I think we're past the stage of having to express that all the time."

They stayed that way, locked in a loving embrace until Itachi found himself slowly beginning to drift off to sleep. Considering how terribly the day had gone, he could think of no better way to end it.


	8. To Love And To Cherish

In compliance with usual wedding traditions, the night of August 2nd was spent apart by the husbands-to-be. Deidara was to stay with Sasuke- Itachi could already see the fireworks- while he spent the night with Kisame. The next day, his father would pick both he and Kisame up while Sasuke escorted Mikoto and Deidara to the hotel. Itachi had successfully changed the arrangement so he and Fugaku would be walking down the aisle instead, much to Sasuke's glee.

In his mind, it was all very neat and tidy. In reality, it was eight at night and he was seated at Kisame's living room table playing Monopoly with his best friend. He had arrived earlier in the evening to find three rather bedraggled-looking cats curled up on the front doorstep, wondering if he was at the right house.

"Poor things were dumped in a skip," Kisame's mother had explained when she had let him in, before crushing him in a hug that rivalled Kisame's and congratulating him on his impending marriage. She had told him there was plenty of alcohol on offer if he needed any Dutch courage, and that she promised to keep the cats out of his way if he wanted.

As it was Itachi rather liked cats, so was quite happy to have one curled up on his lap as they played. How he had got into this situation he didn't know, but it was at least keeping his mind off of the events of the next day.

"Are you excited?" Kisame asked as he threw the dice, somehow reading Itachi's mind and throwing him into turmoil again.

"Worried," Itachi shrugged. "But yes, excited too."

"What are you worried about?"

"Would you like a list?"

"Sure. A list of things that don't relate to being perfect?"

"Not a chance."

"Then suck it up and know he loves you, you idiot."

"Thank you for the encouragement. You owe me rent."

"Whatttt?"

"You were talking to me to distract me from the fact you owe me rent for landing on my property."

"You little weasel," Kisame sighed as he handed over the notes. "How do you notice stuff like that?"

"Because when playing such games with you, I have to always be on my guard."

"You're such a jerk sometimes. Why am I going to be your best man?"

"Because you love me."

"Sorry, I don't screw guys, that's your-"

"Don't even finish that sentence else you won't be able to screw anything ever again."

Much to Kisame's dismay, Itachi managed to bankrupt him in the timely sum of a mere three hours- short for Monopoly, especially when they played. Kisame's mother treated them to a home-cooked meal before retiring to bed, leaving them alone with a bottle of coke and another of Malibu.

"Malibu is such a girly drink," Kisame sighed as he poured himself a shot of it.

"It's a kind offer- she didn't have to get us anything. Besides, I like Malibu."

"Of course she did, she's nuts about you- she always wished I was more like you. And I'm not surprised you like Malibu."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Kisame replied innocently as he tipped a more than generous shot into Itachi's outstretched glass. "Nervous yet?"

"Of course."

"You'll be fine."

"I would like to remain sober. I can't imagine I'll be fine if I'm hung over. Deidara wouldn't appreciate it either."

"I think we're having a better evening than him," Kisame snickered. "He's with Sasuke. I can only imagine what's going on in that house."

"I don't want to even think about it. I'm rather hoping they don't kill one another."

"Nah, Sasuke's alright with him. He's all talk."

"I know. He's my little brother. I can see through these things- it's part of the job description."

"What about... Breaking into someone's locker and shredding all their coursework for bullying him?"

Itachi stared at Kisame before a smirk crossed his face. " _You_ broke into the locker."

"And _you_ tore up all the work. You can be evil when you want to be."

"He ignored my request to leave Sasuke alone."

"Sasuke punched the guy and got suspended for it! He could take care of himself."

"He was a Year Seven. It's tough- we've all been there, being the new ones in school."

"And I was in the Upper Sixth helping a Year Eleven destroy a first year's work. Talk about catty."

"You volunteered. You also set a kid's hair on fire, locked that other kid giving me hassle in a cupboard, and I also seem to remember an incident I only heard about later where you overheard someone being rude about me and-"

"If you're going to talk about the time I apparently flushed that kid's medicine down the toilet, that didn't happen," Kisame interjected. "I swear! Even I'm not that much of a jerk! It was just his glasses."

Itachi raised one eyebrow quizzically. "No, I didn't hear that one. I heard something about tossing someone's bag onto the roof of the school."

"Ah. Well, I _may_ have done that one."

"So what you're saying is, you acted like the big brother I didn't have yet you are taking issue with how I defended Sasuke?"

Kisame answered by pouring another shot and knocking it back, refilling Itachi's glass again. "One more then we try to get some sleep," he responded, earning another smirk for his dodging of the subject. "Let's hope the other two are sensible enough to have an early night as well."

-.-.-

Deidara and Sasuke had been attempting something of an early night, but only to avoid one another. Deidara had fallen asleep on the sofa, leaving Sasuke to retire unsuccessfully to bed. Too many thoughts whirred through his mind, mostly about the wedding and how the _hell_ he was going to make so many cupcakes the next day, so he had got up again and seated himself on the edge of the sofa by Deidara's feet with a book.

It had been quiet and reasonably blissful, right up until Deidara murmured something and shifted in his sleep. Sasuke had glanced at him slightly, hearing a slight whimper in his voice. Rolling his eyes he had reached over and jabbed his side to startle him slightly, hoping it would wake him from whatever nightmare he seemed to have having.

"Nooooo," Deidara had muttered. "My unicorn, it's mineeeeeee..."

"Deidara," Sasuke hissed at him, leaning over him and shaking him again. "Wake up you fool, no-one's stealing your fucking unicorn."

This was how Sasuke ended up with a black eye, when Deidara punched out in his sleep to fend off the apparent unicorn kidnapper. He had awoken with a start when Sasuke jabbed him repeatedly in the ribs, hissing in pain with one hand covering his eye.

That left them where they were now, Sasuke holding an ice pack to his eye and using his other one to glare at Deidara across the room at half one in the morning.

"It was an accident!" Deidara said for the hundredth time.

"So you keep saying," Sasuke snapped back through clenched teeth as he slowly removed the ice pack. Deidara winced as he did so, which told him all he needed to know. "So go on. How bad is it?"

"It's going to be noticeable," Deidara replied apologetically. "You can probably get some cover-up makeup tomorrow-"

"I am _not_ wearing makeup."

"It's either that or have a black eye in all your brother's wedding day photos, yeah."

"A black eye _you_ gave me!"

"It was an-"

"An accident, yes. Do you think it would be an accident if I threw you out right now?"

Deidara wisely kept his mouth shut.

"Now go back to sleep," Sasuke told him firmly as he got up to head to his own bedroom. "The last thing I want is Itachi panicking because you don't turn up thanks to oversleeping."

-.-.-

The following morning they didn't oversleep, though Sasuke was rather surprised (and silently grateful) to find Deidara had risen early as usual and made him breakfast. He had also apparently stolen the house keys and gone to the nearby town, since a small pot of cover up makeup sat on the table next to his toast.

"It's a really good one," Deidara told him, still sounding apologetic. "I explained everything to the woman behind the counter, yeah. She said this will take the darkness down really well."

Sasuke said nothing, resisting the urge to scowl as he angrily ate his toast. His eye ached and a glance in the mirror had told him it was yellowing around the edges of the blackness- there was no way out of the makeup situation it seemed, since he refused to attend the most important event of his brother's life with a black eye.

"You can't cook, can you?" He said instead.

"Um... Not really. That's why you have toast"

"Can you follow instructions?"

"I can do that, yeah."

"Good. Forget the black eye for now- we have about a hundred cupcakes to make and ice in the next couple of hours or so. Help me with it and I'll forget all about this, and I won't even tell Itachi it was you."

"You should tell him," Deidara replied immediately. "He'll only worry otherwise."

"I'll make it clear it was an accident, then."

Deidara grinned at that, holding a hand out to shake. "You have a deal, yeah."

Sasuke stared at the outstretched hand and ignored it in favour of his breakfast. "Don't push your luck," he warned.

Deidara quickly withdrew his hand, getting up to hunt down ingredients in the kitchen instead. Sasuke was clearly in a docile mood thanks to the upcoming plan for the day, and if he could stay out of the younger Uchiha's line of fire, then he would definitely do so to keep things calm.

Unfortunately his ineptitude in the kitchen got him thrown out within ten minutes by one now-irate Sasuke, leaving him to sit idly on the sofa and think about the planned day. He knew Itachi would be nervous- he'd been saying it for days, but Deidara himself hadn't understood. Now, when it was right on the horizon, he felt tendrils of panic nipping at him- he was unsure why, but it was there. It left him calling Itachi as a distraction, wishing to hear his voice to calm him.

"Hello?"

Itachi sounded anything but calm, which didn't help Deidara at all.

"Morning," he said cheerily, disguising it easily. Of the two of them, Itachi would be having more trouble than he pushing it down so it was up to Deidara to make him feel better. "Did you sleep well?"

"As well as can be in such circumstances. You?"

"I suppose," Deidara hummed, deciding not to tell Itachi about the night's incidents just then. "How are you faring?"

"Terribly," came the predictable response. "I can't wait for it to be over so I can relax again. I've already called the hotel to make sure everything is still as planned."

"Did it help?"

"No."

Deidara had to smile slightly at that. "I'm not surpri-"

He was interrupted by Sasuke's angry voice behind him, glancing to see the younger Uchiha scowling at him brandishing a wooden spoon coated in cake mix. "Stop socialising and get back in here and _help_ me you imbecile!" He snapped before stalking off, leaving Deidara smothering laughter.

"It sounds like my little brother is just as stressed as everyone else," Itachi noted with a hint of amusement in his voice. "I'd better let you go. It'll be good to see you again this afternoon."

"And you, yeah. Relax! I'll see you later."

He hung up, heading cautiously back to the kitchen and wisely staying quiet about the fact he had been thrown out, hence his absence. "What do you need me to do?"

Sasuke handed him a wooden spoon and pointed to a bowl of cake mix. "Mix," he said simply. "Even _you_ can't fuck that up."

Deidara did as requested, a small smirk on his face and the retort 'don't try me' staying in his mind and not on his lips.

-.-.-

Fortunately for Sasuke's blood pressure, the cupcakes went well and were soon being escorted to the reception hall. All that was left to do was decorate his Skyline, which had become the impromptu wedding car. Deidara had immediately jumped at the chance to do the honour.

Sasuke, who loved his car very much, originally disagreed. However he eventually relented when he caught Deidara making beautiful bows out of the white ribbon he had bought, deciding to take the time to get himself presentable and plaster his black eye in make up while the idiot wasn't looking. The kimono tying would wait until his mother was present, he had decided. He didn't fancy Deidara's help with trying to do it.

"I wonder how Itachi's faring," he mused mostly to himself once he was standing on the path, watching Deidara put the finishing touches to the car. He had to admit, it looked fantastic- strewn with red and white ribbons, it looked professionally decorated.

"Probably panicking as we speak," Deidara replied as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. "Kisame has his work cut out for him, yeah. How does it look?"

The usual biting responses Sasuke would normally given died away in his throat- there was excitement in the air, and his mood had lifted with it. "It looks good," he praised instead. "Now go and get dressed- I'll call Mum and tell her we'll be coming for her soon."

Deidara smiled, Sasuke smiled back, and the universe didn't explode at the shared act of niceness. Sasuke felt it was going to be a rather good afternoon.

-.-.-

Kisame did indeed have his hands full- full of kimono that was, since he was the one attempting to tie Itachi's elaborate outfit. He had no idea what he was doing, which had led to him instructing his mother to Google the answer for him. She was doing so, calling instructions to him from her laptop while Itachi stood in the Hoshigaki living room feeling exposed and clenching the folds of the fabric closed around himself.

"How hard can it be?" Kisame had originally said. Within ten minute he had retracted his words, though he turned down his mother's request to help. He was a man- he didn't need help with _anything_ , but he'd take instructions. That was different, or so he told himself.

"I think I've got it," he told Itachi as he folded fabric slowly and carefully, grabbing the kaku obi from his side and slipping it around his friend's waist. He tugged it lightly, eventually getting tighter and tighter when he realised tying it loosely wouldn't keep it in place.

"It's too tight," Itachi hissed at him.

"If I don't tie it tightly it'll fall apart! Shut up and let me get on with it!"

"Be nice to him," Mrs. Hoshigaki scolded. "It's his wedding day!"

"Stop it!" Kisame yelled as Itachi attempted to tug on the kaku obi. "Itachi!"

"Loosen it then."

"Sure, and then it'll fall apart while you're walking down the aisle. Do you _want_ to give yourself things to worry about it?"

Itachi immediately stayed quiet, allowing Kisame to do what he needed to do. It had taken an hour and a half, but Itachi finally stood fully dressed and presentable even if his breathing was restricted thanks to it. The fabric was mostly red with white patterning- nothing floral, but nothing too masculine either. It suited him perfectly.

"Untie it," Itachi instructed, ruining the perfect image moments later.

"What? No!"

"I'm going to pass out if you don't."

"Man up and deal with it. You're the one that chose a kimono, now you have to get on with it."

"Actually it's a tradition in my family, and if I was going to break the usual tradition of marrying a woman I figured I could keep something sacred."

Kisame ignored him and went to get changed into his own suit while Mrs. Hoshigaki took it upon herself to brush Itachi's hair for him, cooing all the while about how nice it was to see the lovely boy from Kisame's school years settling down and being so happy, and how she wished Kisame would find someone and do the same, and how she hoped his marriage worked out better than her own- Itachi simply nodded along in the appropriate places, allowing her to put his hair up in his usual ponytail with no fuss before she, too, vanished to get ready.

Itachi took the moment to hunt for a mirror, finding one on the bathroom wall. It was floor length which was just what he wanted, staring at himself in disbelief. Here he was, dressed in wedding attire and looking 'stunning' (or so Mrs. Hoshigaki had said), and all the while all he could see looking back was the old Itachi. The one with a perfection complex, the one who never dared to get close to people outside of Sasuke, the one who didn't understand how his own mind even worked- that same Itachi stared back at him, imploring him to make this day as perfect as possible or simply cancel the whole thing.

It was perfect, he told himself. It would be perfect as long as he and Deidara were there. That was all that mattered, not how everyone's eyes would be on him, not how he was dressed in uncomfortable clothing, not anything else at all. Just he and Deidara.

"How are you coping?" Kisame's voice from the doorway asked, causing Itachi to jump and turn around. Kisame was dressed in his suit, looking smarter than Itachi had ever seen.

"As well as can be expected," Itachi replied with a wry smile. "I'll be glad when the serious part is over."

"I thought you'd appreciate this," his best friend replied, holding out a bag. Itachi took it, seeing a suit inside with a smart red tie. "For the aftermath."

Itachi smirked at that, handing it back with a grateful smile. "Thanks. You're right- I'm not staying in this all evening. I did at Nagato and Konan's wedding and it was horrific."

"Your Dad's going to be here soon. Any last minute things you want to do as a free man?"

"Hide in your cupboard?"

"Anything that isn't melodramatic," Kisame sighed.

Itachi turned back to the mirror, staring at his own reflection again. It was still him- perfect Itachi. The steps he was taking today were the biggest against his old self. He caught Kisame's gaze on him through the mirror, meeting his eye again.

"Ready?" Kisame prompted again.

"No," Itachi replied truthfully. "But I'm never going to be."

Kisame grinned at that and laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. "Come on. Let's wait outside."

Once out in the summer sun, Itachi closed his eyes to the rush of cool breeze that assaulted him and willed himself to relax. He watched Mrs. Hoshigaki's taxi arrive, waving her goodbye as she left. He watched a man walk his dog past Kisame's house. He watched one of the cats Kisame's mother now owned jump up onto the fence next to them. Normal things. Normal things, that didn't involve marriages and perfection and and and-

"What the hell am I doing?" He whispered to Kisame, sudden panic taking him over.

"Going to get married."

"Open the door. Let me back inside."

"Why?"

"Because. _Because_!"

This was how Fugaku found them when he pulled up moments later- Itachi tugging on the front door and practically begging Kisame to let him back inside.

"Itachi!" He barked as he stepped out of the car, causing his eldest son to halt immediately. It seemed he hadn't even noticed his father's arrival. "Are you ready?"

"Of _course_ I'm not!"

Fugaku held his hand out for Kisame's house key, taking it and letting them back inside. Leading Itachi to the living room sofa, he fetched a glass of water and handed it to Itachi before kneeling down in front of him.

"Calm down," he instructed, seeing the glass tremble in Itachi's hand as he squeezed it tightly. "I've been told to inform you everything has gone to plan so far- the buffet is prepared and ready, Sasuke has delivered the cupcakes, and Deidara is currently on-route. Now pull yourself together, son! You want this- you know you do, so allow yourself to have it."

He left and went back to the car, leaving Itachi in Kisame's care. Kisame sighed and knelt down where Fugaku had just vacated, catching Itachi's eye as he did so.

"He's right," he said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. "As soon as you're ready we'll leave, and you _will_ be ready- I promise you."

Itachi nodded in response, slowly sipping the water and willing himself to calm. Once the glass was finished his hands were no longer shaking, and he allowed Kisame to gently nudge him towards the hallway and out of the front door. As Kisame locked the door, Itachi steeled himself- no turning back now, he told himself. This was going to happen, and he was going to embrace it.

-.-.-

The venue of the marriage was to be a hotel- very different from the church Konan and Nagato had been married in, with its high ceilings and echoes. This room was homely and smelt of flowers, which was Deidara's first impression as he walked down the aisle with Sasuke by his side. The guests had began to arrive and it was about half full each side, all of them glancing at the two of them as they headed for the front.

"There's so many people I don't recognise," Deidara whispered to Sasuke. He had invited his mother and his old neighbour Tobi- the rest of the room was filled with Uchihas and friends of Uchihas and really, he felt quite out of place despite being one of the stars of the show so to speak.

"You'll probably never see most of these people again after this," Sasuke whispered back. "We have a lot of distant relatives that would have invited each other. That's the way it works with our family."

Once at the front the celebrant greeted them with a smile and a nod, gesturing for them to sit down whilst waiting. They took the offer, listening to the chatter in the room. To Deidara it all seemed very informal, but he didn't mind. All he cared about was Itachi summing up the courage to actually show up, which was a very real concern for him.

"He'll come, won't he?" He said to Sasuke worriedly.

"If he doesn't I'm going to kill him," Sasuke replied helpfully, tactfully ignoring Naruto's frantic waving and yelling of 'HEY SASUKE' from a few rows up.

"Your friend is calling you," Mikoto whispered into Sasuke's ear from the row behind them.

"He's not my friend."

"Oh now come on dear, don't be like that."

"Do it," Deidara hissed at Sasuke, who had suddenly gone quiet. Sasuke replied by smacking Deidara on the arm, but he did turn around and catch his mother's eye.

"I mean he's my boyfriend," he whispered back, a furious blush staining his cheeks. "Just do me a favour and don't tell Dad yet, will you? It's nothing serious or anything."

Mikoto, to her credit, only blinked in confusion for a moment. "Whatever makes you happy," she finally shrugged. "Tell your father in your own time."

"That wasn't so hard was it?" Deidara laughed softly when the conversation ended, unable to stop smirking at the look on Sasuke's face. "You feel better now, don't you? More free? Liberated?"

"Shut _up_."

"I'll take that as a yes."

They didn't converse again, both of them taking in the steady stream of guests arriving. There was a hush of voices near the back, with a few people peering out of the doors. Someone turned to the celebrant and nodded excitedly, who in turn nodded at Deidara and Sasuke to take their places.

"Good afternoon," the celebrant greeted the guests, who immediately quieted at his voice. "It's a pleasure to be here with you to celebrate the civil union of Itachi and Deidara. Love comes in all forms, and I'm sure they are both delighted to have so many people here supporting them. Deidara? Please step forward."

Deidara stood where instructed, Sasuke at his side. His heart was racing- now Itachi was here, the next part was the worst. He knew Itachi had his doubts about the whole thing, but he didn't expect to have them too. He was an artist, and artists were free! Artists didn't settle down to one thing. Artists didn't-

His train of thought cut off immediately as the doors opened, unable to help himself as he turned to see his partner. The whole room did the same, smiles on everybody's faces in anticipation.

Itachi stood in the doorway on his father's arm, looking shy and nervous. However there was a smile on his face, which only widened when he spotted Deidara's gaze on him. A gentle tug from Fugaku later and he was walking down the aisle, Kisame a few steps behind them.

"This isn't quite how I imagined my eldest would marry," Fugaku chuckled lightly as they walked.

"But you're happy with it?" Itachi asked hurriedly.

"Of course, son. I wish you both the very best."

They reached the front of the aisle, Fugaku bowing to the celebrant before taking his seat next to Mikoto. Kisame took his place next to Itachi, who was facing Deidara with that same small smile on his face.

"You came," Deidara said softly.

"Of course," Itachi replied back. "So did you."

"Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here to witness the civil union of Itachi and Deidara," the celebrant spoke, his clear voice ringing out in the small room loudly. "Itachi, Deidara. Today we are here to celebrate one of life's greatest moments for you. I ask you treat yourselves and each other with respect, and that you remind yourselves of what brought you together often. By doing this your union will be strong, and will withstand any barriers that cross your paths."

He turned to Itachi first, smiling at him and earning a nervous nod back in response. "Itachi Uchiha, do you take Deidara Andersen to be your life partner?"

It was such a simple question with such a simple answer, yet it still took a moment for Itachi to find his voice. "I do."

"Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him forevermore?"

"I do."

"Deidara Andersen, do you take Itachi Uchiha to be your life partner?"

Deidara didn't have to hesitate to reply. "I do."

"Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him forevermore?"

"I do."

Kisame and Sasuke stepped forward, holding out the rings the couple had selected. Two simple gold bands, that Itachi and Deidara took and held out to one another. Deidara slipped his on Itachi's finger first, followed by Itachi. The celebrant softly said the appropriate words for them to follow and repeat, which they did.

"With this ring I take you as my life partner," they said in unison, which mentally they thought wasn't normal but really was the day normal in itself? "To have and to hold, from this day forth, in joy and sorrow, I promise my love to you."

"Itachi and Deidara, as the two of you come into this partnership uniting you as life-partners I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together- as from this day forward you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge. Your union will be strengthened by your love and respect for each other. Please join hands."

The two of them did so, and both of them noted the other was shaking.

"Itachi and Deidara, by declaring your love for one another, joining hands and exchanging rings you have promised your love to one another. I now declare you to be life partners. Congratulations- you may seal your union with a kiss."

A soft round of applause was the backdrop to the kiss, Deidara throwing his arms tightly around Itachi's neck as he did so. Once they broke apart, Itachi buried his head in Deidara's shoulder with a chuckle.

"We did it," he said needlessly.

"We did. Are you happy now?"

"I was happy before."

"But are you happy right _now_?"

"Of course I am," Itachi scolded as he pulled away, some of his nerves seemingly falling away with the important part of the day done.

"Good," Deidara grinned before grabbing his arm and tearing up the aisle, pulling Itachi along behind him. Itachi resisted for a few minutes before realising it was futile, a tiny smile on his face as was pulled out of the room into the waiting summer sunlight.

"Look at that," Deidara breathed once he'd spun his new husband around a few times in glee, shielding his eyes and glancing up to the clear skies. "Look, Itachi. Remember this, yeah. It's a beautiful day."

"It would have been beautiful even if it was stormy. Look what we just _did_!"

"I think it will take time for the shock to wear off, yeah."

"You don't say," Itachi sighed as the occupants of the hall began to join them. The photographer was amongst them, giving them his congratulations before instructing them where to stand and what to do. Deidara, always one for spontaneity, improvised a couple of the suggested shots including one where he lifted Itachi up and span him once, while Itachi yelped out in surprise.

With the photographs out of the way the true celebrating could begin- guests began to file off to the reception hall, while Itachi sought Kisame immediately to get the suit he had brought with him.

"Congratulations," Kisame remarked as he handed the bag over. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm going to pass out if I don't get changed out of this kimono."

"Good, good. Nothing's changed, then."

Itachi snagged Sasuke on his way to the bathroom, suit in hand and a smile on his face. Once the door was closed behind them, Itachi closed his eyes and took a breath to bring his senses together before launching himself at his brother and hugging him tightly.

"I _did_ it," he whispered. "Sasuke, I- I married him, I actually _did_ it."

"You wanted to, didn't you?" Sasuke replied, seemingly confused.

"I did," Itachi replied as he turned towards the mirror on the wall. "But you know what I see when I look in the mirror? I see my old self, with a perfection complex, begging me to somehow stop all of this. But I can't stop it now, and I don't _want_ to."

"The wonders of medication," Sasuke smirked dryly. "Though I admit, I'm surprised you saw it all the way through. I was half expecting you to chicken out."

"Deidara mentioned you told Mum about your relationship," Itachi said slyly. Sasuke scowled at him, cheeks reddened again. "Well done. You're halfway there."

"I'm not marrying him."

"No-one asked you to."

"I'm glad you got married though. I... I'm happy for you both."

Sasuke initiated the hug that time, and it didn't pass Itachi's notice that he was shaking slightly. He wasn't sure why, and he knew Sasuke wouldn't want it to be pointed out. Instead he flicked his little brother on the forehead once they broke apart, giving him a smile and indicating his kimono.

"I'm going to get changed," he said. "How about you?"

"Mum packed me a suit, apparently. I'll do it soon. For now I'm going to calm your nerves and check everything is going to plan in the reception hall."

"Thank you. That would be appreciated."

Itachi was left alone, staring in the mirror at himself. Kimono-clad and smart Itachi stared back. He carried on studying himself for a moment before splashing water at the mirror and obscuring his reflection with droplets.

"Go away," he whispered with a proud grin on his face. "Go away, perfect Itachi."


	9. Until Death Us Do Part

"You never did tell me how you got that black eye," Itachi mused over the sound of the music filling the reception hall. The party was in full swing, with most people nursing a drink or on the dance-floor.

"Deidara," Sasuke sighed as he drained his drink. "It was an accident though."

"How do you accidently give someone a black eye?"

"When you hit someone whilst struggling with a unicorn kidnapper in your dreams. He's insane, just so you know."

Itachi didn't think anything of the response, given it was exactly as he expected of his now-husband.

"Who's that idiot anyway?" Sasuke asked, pointing at Tobi who was dancing by himself happily on the dance floor.

"Deidara's old neighbour," Itachi explained, a small grin on his face. "I'll introduce you."

He called Tobi over, who gladly came. He was still wearing his usual mask, which Sasuke clearly disapproved of.

"Tobi, this is my little brother," Itachi said. "Sasuke, this is Tobi."

"You look a bit feminine too!" Tobi exclaimed, causing Sasuke to scowl immediately. "I thought Itachi was a girl at first."

Sasuke simply stared at the man for a moment before putting a hand up. "Goodbye," he said curtly before vanishing. Tobi didn't seem to take offence, heading back to the dance floor while Itachi went to find Deidara.

The Uchiha family were quite something to anyone who didn't know of their ways. To Itachi, he'd grown up knowing he had various extended family members who would drop anything should he- or any other Uchiha- need him. Family was not just a word- it was their blood, their lifeline, their everything. Madara and Fugaku were seen as the top connecting points for them, and all the information that mattered was filtered through them. Had it been anybody else's son having a gay marriage, the family gossip chain would have been rife with talk about it. However since it was Fugaku's son, and he had kept his mouth shut until only a month earlier when sending out invites, many people were surprised yet quiet about their opinions. Itachi mentally thanked that one of the traits Uchihas shared was tolerance in the very least, though thankfully the overall atmosphere seemed to be one of acceptance.

"He _looks_ a bit like a girl," one elderly Uchiha lady commented to another, her voice loud enough for everyone in the area to notice. Deidara, who was their topic of conversation, looked around nervously in the vain hope they were discussing someone else whilst looking at him. "I can see why Itachi might have fallen for him. He's very pretty."

"Pretty, yes. Pretty for a boy."

"It's a trend these days, isn't it? Boys being pretty. I read about it in the newspaper- meterosexual, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes. Something like that."

Itachi sidled straight up next to Deidara, touching his arm gently and giving the ladies a polite smile. "I hope you're enjoying yourselves," he said, before rescuing his poor boyfriend to the wedding table at the head of the room. It consisted of Fugaku, Mikoto and Elise- the ladies were talking away quite happily, while Fugaku had his eyes on room. His usual serious frown was on his face but Itachi could see a hint of a smile on the edge of it.

He was intercepted on his way there by someone he recognised as his cousin, Shisui. The man seemed to have had a few too many drinks, swinging an arm around both of their necks with a grin.

"To you guys," he said, his voice slightly slurred. "And to the party!"

With that he swiped a cupcake from the side, earning an angry shout from Sasuke to back off until later. Shisui put it back mournfully, slinking over to Sasuke instead with a wave while Itachi weaved through the people to take Deidara outside instead.

The air was fresh and the evening was still light thanks to the summer, only a slight breeze on the air. It was welcoming after being in a loud, warm room like they had been. They shared only a look before Deidara was kissing Itachi, arms around his neck and snaking lightly down his back with so much passion it practically seeped from his fingertips.

"I cannot _wait_ to get you upstairs," he purred in Itachi's ear. Itachi didn't reply, trying to fend off the sudden hot flush he was experiencing.

"Oi oi, none of that in public!" A voice behind them scolded lightly. Kisame, who had been sitting on a nearby step unnoticed, simply raised his drink to them with a smirk.

"Leave it until later then," Itachi scolded Deidara as he pushed him away, giving Kisame a smile in return as though nothing had just happened. Kisame only smirked harder in response.

Once back inside Itachi was cornered by Sasuke, who was looking rather coy about something. The smirk on his face gave him away too, prompting only a raised eyebrow from his elder sibling.

"Do you see Naruto anywhere?" Sasuke hummed lightly.

"No, I don't. Why is that?"

"Because he's waiting for me _somewhere else_ ," Sasuke replied, his smirk growing wider as he quickly slipped out of the door. Itachi exhaled heavily, rather wishing he hadn't been subjected to that little bit of boasting.

They had decided not to bother with the tradition of the first dance or the cutting of a cake- not that it was easy to cut cupcakes anyway. The dance was something Itachi just didn't want to add to an already stressful day. Eyes were supposed to be on him for the wedding, not the reception too. However, speeches were something that they had both agreed to, namely because neither of them had to speak. When Sasuke had returned, looking smug and marginally bedraggled, Itachi gave Kisame the cue to start.

"Could I have your attention please?" Kisame called to the room, banging on the edge of his champagne glass in a manner Itachi knew he'd seen on television somewhere. The room quietened down and all eyes turned to the top table.

"I have to admit I didn't really know what to say here," Kisame began when he had the full attention of the room. "I actually forgot I'd need to make a speech until Itachi mentioned it about a week ago. Thankfully I have many nice things to say about these guys so it wasn't really very hard. Itachi- where do I start? I've known Itachi for a long time. We went to school together and I ended up watching out for him- he was always quiet and he kept to himself, but he finally opened up around me and showed me who he really was. Of course that was the time I abandoned him for my career."

A soft chuckle resonated throughout the room at that. Kisame glanced to Itachi, who gave him a nod of approval to continue.

"That was probably a good thing, because in my absence he met Deidara. The first time I saw them together I thought Deidara was actually insane. He'd painted odd things all over Itachi's wall, and Itachi had _let_ him- I was so confused! But over time I learnt that Deidara is just very artistically minded and against the odds, he and Itachi are a very good match." He raised his glass, which prompted the room to do the same. "To Itachi and Deidara."

He sat back down again with a sigh, lowering his voice to whisper in Itachi's ear. "There you go. The most generic speech you could ever give at a wedding. You owe me a drink or three."

"Thank you," Itachi smirked, turning to Sasuke who was now standing instead. As the other best man, he too had been lumbered with the task of writing a speech. Itachi was worried about this one, since he wouldn't put it past his dear little brother to simply say 'Deidara is a prick' and leave it at that.

"Where do I start?" Sasuke said with a soft sigh. "Itachi- he's my big brother, he's the one who's always been there for me. I've always looked up to him and all I want is for him to be happy. Then he met Deidara, who is possibly the most irritating and annoying person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

The room laughed at that- all but Itachi, who gave his little brother a sidelong glare. Sasuke ignored him.

"Regardless he captured my brother's heart for some unknown reason, and over time I think he's won me over too. He might be completely insane but he's a good influence on Itachi, who needed to lighten up a bit. They don't seem like that should be matched but they are, and I had no choice but to begrudgingly accept that my brother was going to marry a lunatic."

Another laugh filtered through the room, and Itachi relaxed a little. It was just Sasuke being Sasuke.

"They have my blessing, and they better have yours too. If even I can accept Deidara, then so can you. To my big brother and his idiot husband."

He raised his glass, the room followed suite again, and all eyes turned to Fugaku. He noticed and stood up, his stance commanding respect and silence which he gained immediately.

"I'm not one for long heartfelt speeches," Fugaku admitted. "That isn't going to change just because my eldest is married. Instead I'm going to talk a little about my son, and how his now-husband has changed him for the better."

"Dad," Itachi hissed, eyes wide in surprise as everyone turned to look at him. He hadn't been expecting this turn of events. Fugaku ignored him, as expected.

"Itachi was the model child, as I'm sure many of you are aware. He excelled at everything in life and was the personification of the word perfection. This continued on through his teenage years and became a huge problem- I'll spare him the embarrassment of the details, but Deidara came along at the right time. He taught my son that it was alright to be less than perfect, which is the best gift anyone could ever have given him. He gave Itachi the courage to speak out when needed, becoming his voice when it became too hard and guiding him along the right path in life. Never once has he complained about this task, because he loves my son and only wants the best for him. I am so grateful that he's here, and welcome him into my family with open arms."

He didn't raise his glass to signify the end of his speech. Instead he clapped his hands lightly in applause, mirrored by the rest of the room that were eyeing Deidara with a new kind of respect. Deidara looked like he wanted to hide under the table, but there was a sparkle of thankfulness in his eyes.

"Please feel free to help yourself to cupcakes," Fugaku concluded. "I hope you have a wonderful time tonight. Thank you all for coming and supporting Itachi and Deidara."

He sat back down next to Itachi, turning to his eldest son who looked at him in shock. "Never think that I'm not happy with your choices in life," he said almost sternly. "Just be yourself, Itachi. I'll love you and your brother no matter what you want to do with yourselves."

"I'm fucking Naruto," Sasuke interjected as he walked past towards the cupcake stand. Fugaku's eyes widened and he looked up at Sasuke, but he had already moved past.

"Is he serious?" He asked Itachi, who was struggling between the idea of crying and laughing at that moment. "Is he- my word, boys! Is there something in the water around here? I- never mind."

He reached out and gave Itachi and quick but firm embrace, giving him a proud nod when he pulled away again. "Be yourself," he repeated. "I have something for you from Madara."

"Madara?" Itachi echoed, raising an eyebrow as Fugaku handed him a card. "Is it coated in acid? I can't imagine I'm his favourite person right now."

"Madara cares more than you think. He's had a rough time in life, Itachi. We don't always see eye to eye and you have more reason than most to dislike the man, but it's an act of kindness rarely seen from him. Accept it and be sure to thank him later."

With that he got up to get a cupcake, leaving Itachi and Deidara to glance nervously between one another as Itachi opened the red envelope slowly. Inside was a generic card Itachi imagined had been picked out by Madara's secretary- it was nothing special, until he opened it up. Inside was a handwritten note in Madara's neat writing.

"Itachi and Deidara," Itachi read out loud. "In your hotel room is a replacement mobile phone and a cheque. Use the money to fund what you want to do in life. My door is always open to you if you change your mind, Itachi. Best wishes, Madara."

"So he does have a soul!" Deidara exclaimed as Itachi closed the card with a small grin.

"Apparently so. I didn't get round to replacing my phone yet- I can give Dad his money back now."

"Aren't you curious? Don't you want to go and take a look?"

"No," Itachi shrugged. "It can wait. We have a reception to enjoy."

"Looks like Sasuke's really enjoying it," Deidara snickered, indicating the younger Uchiha. He had Naruto up against a wall, kissing him roughly in a manner that suggested he'd been wanting to do so all evening. Itachi reasoned that that was probably true, stealing a glance at his father who was watching them. Something akin to shock lined his features, but he was smiling a little too so all seemed to be well.

-.-.-

The party wound down around midnight- the older guests had begun to leave once the music started up in full force, citing that they were too old for such things. Itachi and Deidara made their way up to their wedding suite hotel room, arms laden with food left over from the buffet, cupcakes and cards.

"Oh wow," Deidara exclaimed as they opened the door to the most beautiful room either of them had ever seen. "Look at this place!"

There was a four poster double bed in the middle of the room, covered with paper hearts and housing a basket of complimentary items from the hotel. Inside was a bottle of champagne, some chocolates and a card of well wishes. On one side of the room was a stack of gifts from guests, and the other had a door leading into the bathroom which Deidara was inspecting.

"Look!" He called excitably to Itachi, who was putting the cards down on the bed. "Look at this place!"

"It's a bathroom," Itachi smirked from the doorway. "What's so special?"

"Look at the bath!" Deidara argued. "It's actually a hot tub, yeah. You're telling me that isn't a great idea?"

"Later," Itachi promised, beckoning with one hand. "Help me clear the bed off. The hearts are nice and all but it's a bit impractical."

Once the bed was clear with the hearts on the floor, Deidara pointed to a box sat on one of the bedside tables. It wasn't wrapped like the rest of the gifts- upon closer inspection they realised it was the mobile phone Madara had promised. As Itachi opened up the box the aforementioned cheque fell out, which he glanced at before his eyes widened in shock.

"What is it?" Deidara asked, seeing his change in demeanour.

"That- Madara- that is _far_ too much money," Itachi finally articulated. "Is he crazy?"

"Read the back," Deidara prompted. Itachi turned it over, seeing words he had previously missed.

"No, this isn't a mistake," he read. "Enjoy it and buy a new car for heaven's sake, your one is atrocious." He lowered the cheque, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "I like my car. It's practical."

"Do as the man says," Deidara shrugged. "He's given you enough to buy a new car, fund your university fees _and_ have change. Don't argue with him, yeah."

"There's enough to fund _both_ of us," Itachi corrected. "This is not just for me."

Deidara didn't reply to that, looking humbled for a moment before he pried the box and cheque from Itachi and set them on the side. "To us," he whispered as he took Itachi in his arms tightly. Itachi clutched back just as tightly, feeling himself relax from simply being in his partner's arms.

"To us," he whispered back.

He had expected this moment to be awkward. The idea of planning a sexual encounter in a relationship that rarely did anything planned just didn't seem to fit. However Itachi found himself unbuttoning Deidara's shirt with no worries at all, riding on the love he had been feeling all day as they slipped naked between the sheets together.

"I'm really glad I met you," Deidara whispered into Itachi's shoulder as he trailed kisses across his neck, causing Itachi to shudder.

"I love you too," Itachi murmured back. "However you don't do sweet nothings, so you don't need to start now."

"Point taken," Deidara shrugged. "I'll just do you instead."

"As crude as you are that's more like your normal self," Itachi sighed, but his disapproval was soon forgotten. Instead all that replaced it was an overwhelming feeling of joy and desire to be with the one he loved, feeling almost as though they weren't close enough even when they were as close as a couple could be both physically and mentally at that moment. All feelings of perfection were cast aside, leaving just Itachi and Deidara together in their own little world of bliss.


	10. Epilogue

"Could you please tell me where we're going?"

"Nope!" Deidara replied cheerfully as he pulled his suitcase along behind him, having just departed the train that had brought them to their current destination. "It's a surprise."

"So you keep saying. Some insight would be appreciated, however."

"Tough luck, yeah. You'll find out soon enough anyway- just follow me."

Itachi sighed and did as requested, carrying his own (smaller) suitcase in one hand and clutching a coffee in the other. Deidara had told him to get up at some ridiculous time of the morning and was far too happy about the prospect, especially considering they had been waiting for their train at four in the morning. He hadn't looked at the clock upon being woken, and was quite glad for that fact when he finally realised how early it truly was.

The train station they were at didn't really give any clues either, especially since it even had international connections. He didn't expect that to be where they were heading however, frowning in confusion as Deidara took him to the check in for that exact location.

"We need passports to go abroad," he pointed out. It was common knowledge to most, but he doubted his husband (he still mentally smiled every time he acknowledged Deidara as such) had thought that far ahead.

Deidara surprised him by withdrawing two passports from his pocket. "They're up to date," he grinned. "Don't worry, yeah. I had your parent's input for this in case you're wondering if I missed anything vital."

That thought relaxed Itachi slightly, as did learning they only had forty minutes to wait for what he now knew was an international Eurostar train. The ones from their train station went to France, but that didn't mean a thing- for all he knew Deidara had plans to connect there for a flight or another means of transport to other places in Europe. His father had helped with this and he had travelled Europe extensively. He sighed heavily and finished his coffee, content with simply following Deidara to wherever he was now being taken. He truly had no idea, and would get no answers it seemed until arrival.

As it was he got his answer earlier. Deidara had led him and made him close his eyes to get to the platform, but the announcer on the train gave the game away by calling Disneyland Paris as their destination.

"Disneyland?" Itachi remarked, raising an eyebrow at Deidara.

"It's just for a couple of days!" Deidara argued. "Then we're staying in a hotel in Paris. You can't go to Paris and not go to Disneyland, yeah."

"I'm sure plenty of people do."

"I wanted to go!"

"I wasn't objecting, Deidara. I was just surprised, that's all."

"We can take your mind off of the destination if you want," Deidara remarked in his ear, a smirk on his face as he laid a hand on Itachi's thigh and slid it up slowly.

"This is a train with children on it. What on earth are you thinking?" Itachi hissed as he removed his husband's hand swiftly.

"I wasn't saying to right here!" Deidara whispered, shaking his head. "There's a bathroom up the carriage."

"That's even worse!"

"Come on, it's our honeymoon- aren't we supposed to screw like bunnies the whole time?"

"You are terrible. I can't believe you just suggested that!"

"Don't worry," Deidara sighed, finally accepting the scandalised look on Itachi's face. "I won't spend the whole time being perverse, yeah. I promise."

-.-.-

"So, tell me Itachi... Which Disney princess would you do?"

"Deidara there are _children_ around!" Itachi hissed at him, eyes wide in shock. "Yet _again_ you're being inappropriate!"

"Oh come on, don't be shy. Everyone has a favourite, so who's yours?"

"I am not having this conversation. Stop being depraved. You promised me you wouldn't be and yet you've continued to be so for the entire journey so far."

"So I jumped you when we arrived- so what? I told you, that's what honeymoons are for."

"You jumped me in the hallway outside our door! That poor elderly couple walking past probably had a heart attack. And don't even get me _started_ on what you did during It's a Small World."

"You know who I'd do?" Deidara remarked, ignoring Itachi as he eyed the parade of Disney Princesses walking past their table. They were sitting outside one of the many cafes in the Main Street of Disneyland, watching the world- and the characters- go by."Tinkerbell. You wouldn't have to call her back in the morning, yeah. I'd even overlook her gender- not that you have that problem."

"Fascinating. Could you perhaps lower your voice so these poor ladies don't call security on you for being such a pervert?"

"Pick one."

"Absolutely not."

"You are such a spoilsport, yeah. It's a conversation that honours the spirit of the location."

"If I pick one will you be quiet?"

Deidara gave Itachi a grin, which Itachi deciphered to be a yes. "Fine," he sighed, pointing at one of the girls. "That one."

"Do you even know who she is?"

"I don't care because I am not having this conversation."

"You pointed to Sleeping Beauty," Deidara told him. "So why her, huh?"

"She happened to be closest. I quite honestly do not care, Deidara."

"Is it because she'd be asleep and you wouldn't have to talk to her while you do it?"

"What? Deidara, that's horrific!"

"I know you know which is which," Deidara pointed out, his voice matter-of-fact. "Your father said you came here with him and had your photo taken with one. Which one was it and would you do her?"

Itachi glared at him, taking a long sip of his drink while attempting to ignore Deidara. Deidara simply kept his eyes trained on Itachi, a ridiculous smile on his face until Itachi sighed and set his drink back down sharply.

"Alright, I'll play your game," he agreed. "No, I would not 'do' the princess in question, which was Ariel. If I had to choose a Disney princess to procreate with which is an absurd statement in the first place, I would have to choose one who was strong willed and speaks her mind. I dislike the naivety shown by princesses such as Aurora and Snow White, so they would be out of the question. Striving for the things they want or believe in would be admirable- perhaps Tiana then, or Belle. Pocahontas too, since she upholds decent morals." He paused for a moment, smirking. "And you know, Tinkerbell isn't a princess."

Deidara stared at Itachi as though he were crazy. "Has anyone ever told you that you over analyse things sometimes?"

"Really?" Itachi replied airily as he picked his drink back up, satisfied that he had ended that line of conversation successfully. "I never would have guessed."


End file.
